The Rumbling Stage

When dealing with meltdowns, or rage, it is important to recognise when it is possible to negotiate, re-direct or deflect the child's emotion... and when it is time to "ride it out", letting the emotion take its course. If we can catch a child/youth before the emotion takes over their reasoning or thinking power, we are more likely to prevent or minimise the meltdown (Myles and Southwick, 2005).


The Rage Cycle

According to Myles and Southwick (2005) the rage cycle includes three main stages - the rumbling stage, the rage stage, and the recovery stage. They suggest that before and after these stages teachable moments occur. Once the rage cycle starts, the opportunity for the child to learn is gone.

At this stage it is about management and, where possible, prevention of escalation.


The Rumbling Stage

Parents have often expressed to me the fact that they can tell when a meltdown is coming on. The signs could be categorised into four different categories:

• Physical signs, including fidgeting, tapping, restlessness, muscle tenseness, grimacing
• Verbal signs, like name calling, threats, grunting, increasing or decreasing volume
  
• Behavioural signs, like refusals, crying

What can we do in this stage?

Myles and Southwick (2005) identify a range of strategies that could be used in this stage. Some ideas include:

1. Provide a safe, cool down space: Help the child feel safe by moving to a space that is familiar and away from the triggers of their meltdown.
2. Provide a physical outlet: Give the child a way to get rid of the excess adrenaline that is flowing as a result of their emotion. This can be anything from squeezing a stress ball, to bouncing on a trampoline, to tearing up paper.
3. Remain calm and quiet: Don't try to reason with them, remain calm and close-by. Walk with them if necessary. For some children, touch can also be helpful.
4. Redirect: Using a child's interest it may be possible to redirect their attention and emotion. You might need to help the child re-evaluate their goals.
   
5. Use routine: Help the child get back to familiar and safe sequences of events.

But the most important thing to remember at this stage is that, as adults, it is important that we remain calm and flexible, adapting to the needs of the child as the child will not be able to be flexible once they have entered the rage cycle.


References

Myles, B.S. and J. Southwick (2005). Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage, and Meltdowns. Autism Asperger Publishing Company: Kansas

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The dreaded power-struggle

“Mark, can you sit down and do your work please?”

“No.”

“Mark, sit down please.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Sit down.”

“Why?”

“Because….because you need to do your work.”

“I don’t want to.”…

Half an hour later.

“MARK THOMAS ANTHONY PETERSON! Put your BOTTOM on your SEAT or… or…”

“What are you goin’ #$%#$% do?” You quickly duck out of the way of a flying chair. “I said I don’t want to do it!!”

Angry, you confront him and say “Don’t you throw things at me!”

“I will @#$%@ do what I @%%# well like!!!”

…..

Have you ever been caught in an un-winnable argument like this? I have come close with a few children aged between 8-11 who were diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder, ADHD or bi-polar disorder.

But I usually remembered just in time the important techniques that ensure the child, myself and other children around did not get hurt. Here is one of the techniques that helped me diffuse the situation.

Roger’s Chain of Action

Let’s re-tell this scenario following Roger’s “chain of action” (cited in Brady and Scully, 2005).

It’s homework time at home, or deskwork time at school.

You point to your schedule which is hung on the wall. “Okay, everyone/Mark. Its nearly time to work at your desks/do your homework. You will need your pencil case, your Maths book and your ruler (you write this on the board/on a sticky note and put it on his desk). I’ll set the timer for five minutes so you can get ready.”

Mark is clearly not moving. He looks in your direction to see what you will do.

Step one: Tactical ignoring

You decide to see what will happen if you ignore. The minutes tick away. Mark starts to do things like flicking spit-balls at his sister or throwing small projectiles such as his rubber at his peers.

Ignoring is obviously not working.

Step two: Simple direction, rule re-statement, or question and feedback.

As you are wandering around helping others, you stop close to Mark, ensuring you have his attention without getting “in his face”.

“What are you meant to be doing, Mark?”

“I dunno.”

“You can check the schedule if you don’t remember.”

“I’m not dumb.”

“I know that.” said with a genuine, warm smile. “So what are you meant to be doing?”

Mark reluctantly tells you.

“That’s great! You should have just enough time. There’s still one minute on the timer.”

He starts getting ready, albeit mumbling, “I hate maths!” But you have walked away and ignore this. You know he is capable of the work you have set, and he knows you are willing to support him where necessary, so discussion is not necessary and will only prolong the argument. Though you may want to quickly state these facts before you walk away.

Unfortunately, he discovers a tempting projectile in his equipment and starts to set up a catapult using his ruler in order to release some of his frustration. He’s not ready to stop fighting yet.

Its time to act quickly.

Step three: Repeat step two or take child aside and give them a clear choice.

You don’t waste time with reviewing what he is meant to be doing. Someone may lose an eye.

You put your hand on Mark’s catapult and ask him calmly, “Do you want to do this now, or during recess/your favourite TV show?”

“You can’t do that!” He is hanging for a showdown.

Calmly you say, “It’s your choice. You have about 30 seconds left on the clock.” Then you walk away (with the ruler and the projectile).

Conclusion 1: It works (and it usually did for me)

The success of this process relies on you having built a rapport with the child, respecting and caring for their needs. It also requires firmness, confidence and consistency in application. If you fail to follow-through with choices at any time the child will not take you seriously.

So don't "threaten", just state facts about what is going to happen.

Conclusion 2: He opts out and starts throwing larger projectiles.

So…

Step 4: Isolation, time-out, exit from the room.

Have a crisis management plan in place to respond to any escalating aggression.

At home:
You may have a punching ball or “outburst” space where he can have it out safely.

Or, if possible, remove Mark to his room where anything he breaks has consequences for him rather than the family – though it is likely that this could start another argument and you will be unable to get him out of the room.

Another option is to remove yourself and any other children to a different room.

But there must be consequences after the outburst has subsided. That is, you must follow through with the choice you gave him. So Mark will have to do his work later and miss out on his favourite show.

At school:
Have a “buddy teacher” who is in a room close-by to whom Mark goes to “cool down”. The buddy teacher will have a desk close to the door where he can sit unobtrusively. It would also be important to have some physical outlet, such as a stress-ball. Though just walking between rooms (always being within sight for duty of care reasons) may be enough for some children.

Alternately, you may have a telephone in your room and an agreement that you can call either the principal, the deputy principal or the head teacher for welfare, who will then come down and either remove Mark or stay with him whilst you move your other students to do their work in the lovely sunshine or the library as the case may be.

But, again, you must follow through with the choice you gave him. So Mark will either work on his Maths with you or another staff member (such as the principal or in the library) during recess.

This should be seen as a natural consequence for his actions, rather than a “punishment”, especially if (as his actions suggest) Mark is struggling with self-esteem or self-efficacy issues.

If you follow these steps you might find that you have avoided a power-struggle and saved yourself and others a lot of time and angst.


Reference:
Brady, L. & Scully, A. (2005). Engagement: Inclusive Classroom Management. Sydney: Pearson Education.

Interesting reading:
http://www.thespasticcentre.org.au/services/about_tsc/policies/s10-05.pdf
http://education.qld.gov.au/health/pdfs/healthsafety/mh-casestudy-behmgt.pdf
http://www.disability.wa.gov.au/dscwr/_assets/main/instructional/documents/doc/crisis_managment.doc
http://www.kidsguardian.nsw.gov.au/example-folder-5/Accreditation/Guidelines/guide_behav_mngt_v1.0.pdf
http://www.dadhc.nsw.gov.au/NR/rdonlyres/22C82E91-4AAA-4FB0-8C7C-C4C6F1DA3AD9/4576/behaviour_support_policy_january_2009.pdf
http://www.family-advocacy.com/help/Risk%20management%20flowchart%20for%20student%20behaviour.pdf
http://www.family-advocacy.com/help/DET%20risk%20management%20plan%20proforma,%20sample%20&%20guidance.pdf

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The Therapeutic Teacher.... or Parent

Image from Dave is Brave. Copyright A.Gray and D.East.

Since bringing up the issue of dealing with aggressive behaviour I have heard a range of comments from parents, teachers and teachers in training.

Some of the concerns for beginning teachers revolved around the fear of whether they could deal with difficult behaviour in the classroom. Both parents and teachers have asked the question, “How can I make sure I support the child displaying the aggressive behaviour whilst still protecting the other children around them?” Other concerns revolve around the issue of the stress and potential harm to themselves.


The challenge of dealing with ongoing challenging behaviour

If we are not careful, the challenge of dealing with ongoing aggressive or difficult behaviour can affect our own mental health. Parents and teachers can become anxious, stressed, tired or even “burnt-out”.


The Therapeutic Teacher

Abrams (2005) wrote an article called Becoming a Therapeutic Teacher for Students with Emotional and Behavioural Disorders. While he is talking about teachers, it is possible that the ideas expressed in this article could be helpful for parents as well.

Abrams discusses research and principles of working with children who have aggressive or challenging behaviour with the aim of balancing the need to manage teacher stress whilst providing adequate support for the students. He argues that the two go hand in hand.

If we can set up an environment that helps prevent the escalation of behaviour, then both the students and the teachers are likely to benefit.


Empathy

One of the key characteristics of a therapeutic teacher is the ability to see beyond the behaviour and focus on the whole child. That is, instead of punishing a child for outbursts or tantrums, the teacher first thinks about the triggers, or the emotion behind the outbursts.

This approach helps us recognise the function of the behaviour (as discussed in the last post), and thus helps us to change or reduce the incidences of the behaviour. It helps us be proactive instead of reactive. Which, in the end, takes much less emotional energy and is much more rewarding – for both the adult and the child.

It also helps us listen and respect children more. It helps us see the child as someone with interests, strengths, needs, abilities… not just an “aggressive child”. As Abrams says, “Therapeutic teachers show respect for each student’s dignity, even when the student engages in antisocial behaviour.” p41

Consistency and routine

One of the most important tools in dealing with behaviour which benefits both adult and child is consistency and routine. Again, this is about preventing difficult behaviour as much as dealing with difficult incidents when they occur.

This can be something as simple as designing a few positive rules, rewards and consequences that the students have had a hand in designing. Reinforcing these calmly, consistently, positively and supportively can have a significant influence on the interactions within a classroom or home.

Routines, or a set sequence of activities throughout the day, can also be very helpful. Children with anxiety issues, difficulty adjusting to change or new experiences will benefit from set routines. These can be represented in a written or pictorial routine displayed and with which the child can interact. For example, putting a sticker next to a completed task. Or removing a picture from a sequence of pictures stuck on a surface using Velcro. This helps them feel in control, and makes the environment predictable and safe – and can be a good basis for rewards.


Organisation and confidence

But, importantly, the success of our strategies not only relies on our respect for our students or an understanding of their needs. It also requires organisation, confidence and a willingness to continually learn.

This means that if something doesn’t work, we don’t feel guilty or beat ourselves up. It is about approaching each day as a fresh start, for both ourselves and our children, and learning from past experiences.


Being realistic – yet hopeful

One of the things that does seem contradictory in Abram’s discussion is his assertion that we need to be realistic while remaining hopeful and optimistic. As discussed in a previous post, it is often a difficult thing to find the balance between high expectations and what we can realistically expect. This is especially difficult when it comes to behaviour.

But if we take one step at a time, one moment at a time, we are more likely to be able to celebrate the small steps without being overwhelmed by the difficult times.


Managing stress

I particularly enjoyed Abrams’ recommendations about stress management. Perhaps we should make it a checklist:

Am I realistic about what behaviour I might encounter tomorrow?
Am I approaching tomorrow with a positive attitude?
Have I set priorities and scheduled my time?
Am I eating well?
Am I exercising?
Am I having enough rest?
Do I have a hobby?
Am I flexible and adaptable?
Am I keeping my sense of humour?
Am I giving myself permission to feel tired/angry/sad/other?
Have I debriefed with a friend/colleague/partner/parent?
Have I come up with ways to deal with the cause of my emotion?
Am I recognising and accepting things I can’t change?
Do I realise that I am not superwoman/superman?

I don’t think I could check all the boxes, but it does help a little to know what to aim for…

Reference:

Abrams, B.J. (2005). Becoming a Therapeutic Teacher for Students with Emotional and Behavioural Disorders. Teaching Exceptional Children, 38(2), p40.

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Ask Amanda ... a student who is under three and displaying aggressive behaviour

Amanda, I have a new student who is two and a half. He is extremely impulsive, he cannot have anyone near him that he is not being aggressive to them, to the point where if I am near and pick him up, touch him or in any way try to talk to or remove him from the situation (hitting repeatedly, punching, pushing etc.) he will with one hand try to stop me while continue to strike out at the child. I think he has some form of spectrum disorder, his other behaviors are what appears to the other adults including his parents to make him 'gifted' his speech is very articulate overly complex sentencing (he is 2) but he repeats everything (very clearly) which I think is echolalia (sp?) not cognitive language use.what can I do to help him stop hurting others.

I am meeting with the parents and right now I will just ask them how he is at home types of questions. I have only had this child for 2 weeks and want to set up a good relationships with them. I have learned to approach with caution when this type of issue arises. Thanks Beth


First I just want to apologise for taking so long to answer this very tricky question. The world has been spinning very fast lately.

But now I have time to sit, think and answer your question.

I can’t suggest a quick fix

This difficulty is not something that can be addressed easily. It will take time and some investment of energy. However, I may be able to suggest some practical things you can do to help improve things over time.

I will also shy away from suggesting a diagnosis etc. That is up to the psychologist, paediatrician or other medical professional.

Step one: Formal Observation

The first thing you may need to do is take a step back and really observe what is happening. It may even be worth getting a third party in, for example another staff member who works in your centre, to watch what is happening.

The purpose of this is to get a better picture of what is going on. It will help unlock some clues to why he may be behaving this way.

Observational tools:
The observations should be written down. This written account should be factual rather than an interpretation of what is happening.

There are many forms of written observations. But you may find a couple of these useful.
Firstly, the simple anecdotal observation (click here or here for more info). That is, the observer watches for a certain time period and records everything that is happening. Not just what the child is doing, but what others around him did and in what setting it occurred.

The second example is an ABC observation.

A= Antecedent: Write down everything that happened before the child began to display the inappropriate behaviour. This includes anything that other children did, what setting they are in, what was said etc.

B= behaviour. Record exactly what the child did.

C= consequences. Record the responses of those around him. That includes the response of the other children, as well as the response of the staff.


What might be the function of his behaviour?

Read this previous post for more information on funcational behaviour assessment. However, the description of the behaviour you have given suggests to me a couple of purposes the child’s behaviour might have. However, these are only guesses as they are not based on full observations as described above.

1. A reaction to proximity
He may have sensory integration issues and subsequently have difficulty sharing space and equipment. He may not be able to endure the proximity of others, and his behaviour is his way of communicating this.

I did read somewhere else that when reprimanded he says he won’t do it again. But if it is due to sensory integration issues, and he has difficulty with social communication, he may not be able to change this behaviour without consistent and explicit support. He will continue to react impulsively in order to protect himself from the intrusion of others.

If this is the reason for his behaviour, removing him from play may seem very unfair to him as he will feel he is being punished for his anxieties or for what other children are doing. And it is unlikely that he will be able to articulate this in any other way than trying to continue lashing out whilst being removed.

What can you do in this instance?
- Set up a safe space that he can retreat to without fear of intrusion. This can be done using a mat, book shelves, cushions or a chair and table. All children should be told that this is a quiet space and only one person can be there at a time. In this space place a couple of the child’s favourite games. But this is only a starting point as you don’t want to always isolate the child from other children.
- Have a routine session every day based on a turn-taking game. This needs to be a quiet, highly structured game where only one child has a turn at a time. Start with just one or two other peers, and sit between them and the child. Let the child pick the children he wants to play with in this session. As the child gets used to this routine you may find that you can start introducing more children and less structured games. But it may take some months before your intervention is not needed.
- Use the child’s echolalic language skills to teach appropriate communication alternatives to his aggression. For example, teach him to say, “Move, please!” using an appropriate hand gesture when children get too close.

This is not a comprehensive list, but it may be a start.

2. A desire for interaction but limited social skills
I have worked with a number of children who have an intense desire to interact with others and play the same games but end up ostracising their peers because they don’t know how to get involved without aggression. There was a boy who wanted to play tips, but kept being isolated by staff because he was running around punching children. It turned out this was his invitation or his request to play tips. When he was taught how to play, and taught specific language to ask others to play, he ended up with a nice little bunch of playmates.

So if this is the case it is again not surprising that the behaviour isn’t changing. He may not be able to identify why it is wrong, or exactly what behaviour you want him to stop. He may also have a sense that is it “not fair” that he is being isolated when other children are playing together - even if he couldn't articulate this.

What can you do in this instance?
It will be about teaching specific social and language skills. Your observations will be able to tell you which skills are most relevant, but here are some ideas.
Language (teach a gesture or makaton sign language to go with this):
- Can I play?
- Can I have a turn?
- That’s mine. You can have it later.
- Can you move, please.
Social skills:
- looking at facial expressions and identifying when others are sad.
- Turn taking
- Sharing space and equipment

How could you teach these?

Social stories:
My book, Dave is Brave, is like a social story. It demonstrates a sequence of events that occur in consequence of aggressive behaviour, with pictures to illustrate facial expressions and emotions of others. It also has key phrases like, “Can I play?” demonstrated as an alternative to aggressive behaviour. (Sorry if this sounds like advertising, but I wrote the book for children with these sorts of issues so you may find it useful)

You could use this, or you could work with the student to design your own short picture sequence. You could do this by taking photos (with parent permission) of a short role play. Two photo sequences could be:
1) photo of him watching others playing
2) photo of him role playing pushing another person
3) photo of another person being sad
4) photo of him sitting by himself, not able to play with others
Second sequence
1) photo of him watching others playing
2) photo of him asking, “Can I play?” with a smile and appropriate gesture
3) photo of another person smiling back
4) photo of him sitting with others, playing together.

You could also look into using PECS such as Boardmaker and those seen on the do2learn website. This will help make language more meaningful for him if he learns well through visuals.


Responding to aggressive incidents

While he is learning these new skills, you will still need to have a way of managing or responding to aggressive incidents.

If you think that his behaviour might be due to sensory integration issues, or a difficulty with the physical proximity of others, you might want to do the following:
- Manoeuvre yourself in between him and the child he is lashing out at.
- Firmly but calmly and gently say, “Stop” with a stop hand sign
- If he doesn’t stop after 2 or 3 requests, point to his quiet space and ask him to take his toy to that space, re-assuring him that he can come back to this play space when he is ready to be settled (choose a word he can understand and use that same word all the time, you may even have a picture of the quiet space and being “settled” to help him understand what you are saying)

As much as possible, avoid physical contact. Try and shepherd him to the quiet space rather than physically move him if possible. You may also find that taking his toy to the quiet space will mean he comes with you.

If you think his behaviour is due to poor social and language skills, follow the same process. But instead of just saying, “Stop” get him to repeat a key phrase such as, “That’s mine.” with appropriate gestures so other children can understand him.


Conclusion:

The bottom line is that anything you do will take time and energy. You and anyone else working with the child will need to be consistent, repeating exactly the same process and exactly the same words every time an aggressive incident occurs. Remaining calm will be very important.

And if one thing doesn’t work after you have given it a good go (eg one month), do another observation and analyse whether you might need to think about the behaviour having a different purpose behind it.

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Responding to bullying: Counselling or punishment? …part 2

One approach to responding to bullying is what has been called the “restorative justice” approach. The aim of this approach is to use supportive communities to hold individuals accountable for their actions and increase student’s sense of safety within their community.

Researchers studying this approach have found it has had some success. However, like any other approach, it is not going to address all types of bullying.

Restorative justice: The key principles as seen in Morrison (2002)

This approach is about using what Morrison (2002) calls “adaptive shame”. This basically means the child who is bullying another is confronted with the effects of their behaviour on the child who is being bullied. They are also confronted with the feelings and emotions of their own friends, family, supporters and the school community. If this is done supportively, then the shame of what they are doing and how they are affecting others will lead to a change in behaviour.

However, this only works if the key principles or beliefs outlined by Morrison drive the process. These principles are:
1 - Bullying behaviour can be changed
2 - It is the behaviour, not the whole child, that is being put down
3 - The harm done by the bullying needs to be acknowledged and repaired.
4 - Both the child who is bullying, and the child being bullied, are valued members of the school community.

If these principles are not adhered to, then the child who is bullying another is more likely to be stigmatised than supportively shamed into changing their behaviour. And stigmatisation will lead to a cycle of increased bullying due to feelings of rejection and loss of self-esteem.

Restorative justice may not work if….
#The supportive network (family and friends) of the child who is bullying another reinforce rather than reject the behaviour

#The child who is being bullied and their support network feel threatened by the support network of the child who is bullying.

# There is a significant, underlying emotional, behavioural or social issue/disorder that is contributing to the bullying behaviour and limiting the effects of “adaptive shame”.

What are the alternatives?

In-school suspension may be the best option for both protecting the child who is bullied and catering to the needs of the child who is bullying if the above factors come into play. It may also be used to protect the child who is being bullied as the process of restorative justice is followed.

In-school suspension means that the student who is bullying others is not fully excluded from learning. But it does mean they are excluded from any social situations at school that provide them the opportunity to bully the other student.

This may also need to extend to transport to and from school if they travel on the same bus as the student being bullied.

Counselling and behaviour intervention may be an essential component of addressing the bullying behaviour. For example, if a student is bullying others due to their need for power over “weaker” students, then it is likely that they have significant issues with self-esteem. Their may be things going on at home, in the community or at school that need to be identified and addressed in order for the student to feel empowered to change their behaviour.

There are many different approaches to dealing with bullying. But in the end, whatever we do, we need to try and balance the need to keep our children safe with the need to address the reasons behind the bullying behaviour. And we need to do all this within the bounds of the standards set by law.

Reference:

Morrison, B. (2002). Bullying and Victimisation in Schools: a Restorative Justice Approach. AIC Trends and Issues in Crime and Criminal Justice, February 2002. Online at http://www.aic.gov.au/publications/tandi/ti219.pdf

Or find her book: http://wilderdom.com/store/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=311

Other useful information:

http://www.kenrigby.net/

https://www.det.nsw.edu.au/policies/student_serv/discipline/stu_discip_gov/anti_bul07.pdf These are the guidelines for NSW public schools on dealing with bullying.

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