Home-school communication that works

By Amanda Gray ..... Copyright Amanda Gray 2010

In talking to parents about their relationships with schools one of the key ingredients that make it a success... or not... is communication.

For parents who enjoy a good relationship with their school, positive, two-way communication is something they often talk about. For example, parents who feel their school is supportive often mention things like:

• Their child's teacher is always available for a chat.
• If they tell the teacher about an issue, the teacher will react in a supportive and prompt way.
• The teacher acts on what has been discussed with the parent.
• Even if they have different opinions, they can work out a solution based on mutual respect and an understanding that both the school and family have the child's best interest at heart.
  

Parents whose relationship with their child's school is not what they would like it to be often mention at least one of the following things:

• It is hard to find anyone to talk to...
• The principal/teacher is not really listening because they don't do anything about issues discussed, don't tell the family what is being done, or don't take the family's wishes into consideration.
• They feel overwhelmed by "professional-speak", and come out of meetings confused or stupid.

This gives us some good hints about home-school communication that actually works.


Informal contact

Roffey (2002) reports on research exploring the relationship between schools and families who have children with behavioural difficulties. One of the things they found was the value that families placed on informal interactions. For example, they report one parent saying,

"If he wanted to talk to you, he'd say: 'Can I have a word?'. you know, privately. He was really good at that, I liked him." (p33)

So being able to catch a teacher, or visa versa, at times during the day is important. But the ability to do this changes as children get older.

In the pre-school years, this informal contact is regular and relatively easy as families pick up and drop off their children. In the early primary school years, this may also be true. But, as children learn to catch the bus and attend school independently, this informal, face to face contact is more difficult.

Using phone contact is perhaps the next best thing. Or using the phone to set up an informal face-to-face chat, especially in the middle and high school years. However, for working parents there is the added difficulty of making appointments during the school day. Taking time off work, or dashing down during the lunch hour, is not always an option.

One of the factors that make informal, face-to-face communication valuable is time. If it is planned appropriately, then it can be done in a calm way.

Further, it is important that difficult issues be addressed privately (Roffey, 2002). For example, it is important not to talk about a child in front of them or their peers. This can have an impact on a child's self-esteem, and can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies or teasing. The only exception would be if you wanted to involve the child in the discussion, but care would need to be taken that they didn't feel disempowered by having two adults "against" them.


Regular communication

Communicating regularly, and not just when there is a problem to solve, is important (Coleman, 1998). If communication between home and school starts on a positive note, and continues to be dotted with positives, then this can help build trust and a feeling of partnership rather than an "us versus them" feeling. It helps parents see that teachers know their child's strengths, not just their difficulties. And positive feedback from parents helps teachers further understand the child's strengths and build a positive, mutual understanding with families.

Regular communication becomes even more important for children who have a disability that affects their ability to telling their parents about their school day. This can mean that parents feel quite isolated from the education environment if there is no regular, day-to-day feedback from teachers or if the parents are unable to visit or volunteer at the school.

In these cases, one of the most effective tools to use is a communication book. Follow this link to read about some great ideas for home-school communication books. If you don't want to read the whole article, skip down to page 5 for some great examples.

Regular feedback is also important to ensure that families and teachers become aware of issues before they escalate (Coleman, 1998). For example, parents may see a change in their child's behaviour at home that could indicate that difficulties such as bullying is happening at school. Passing this on to teachers could help the teacher be more vigilant, observing the child closely for what might be happening.

Or a teacher may be finding a child is beginning to show some behavioural difficulties. By letting a parent know before it becomes a big issue, they may find out that there are some changes happening at home (such as a new baby, moving house, a change in routine) that could be contributing to the difficulties at school.

But ultimately, communicating regularly is an essential tool in preventing social and behavioural issues from escalating. Further, it is important for positive and collaborative problem-solving.

The other side of this is that regular feedback will ensure the family knows what is being done to address an issue at school. Being informed means that they don't feel the problem is being ignored, and that they can help with reinforcing the solution through discussion and strategies at home. This continuity is very important for lasting behaviour change or academic progress.


Openness, honesty and respect

In the previous post, I discussed the importance of open and honest communication to the development of trust.

It is also important that if there is a problem, the discussion be focused on the issue not on the child or the teacher/school (Boult, 2006).

For example, if a teacher is concerned about a child who is hitting, kicking or pushing on the playground, the conversation may go like this (after the usual greetings and a comment about what Sam has achieved lately)....

"Well, I did want to talk to you about some concerns I have about what is happening on the playground for Sam. I was just wondering if he had mentioned anything to you, or if you have noticed anything different at home?..."

This opens up the conversation to be about what is happening, and what may be contributing to the issue. This is more likely to bring about a positive partnership in problem-solving than a phone call home to request a suspension meeting, or to tell the parent about the negative behaviours and the disciplinary measures to be implemented. This is because the parent is seeing the teacher/school's concern for the child and a desire to change what is happening.

On the other side of the story, if a parent has a concern about something that is happening in the classroom, a good way to open the conversation may be...

"Sam is really loving the games she gets to play at music time. I was just wondering if you were aware of any problems she might be having with the other children saying things about her in that class?...."

This can then open up the conversation about what the teacher may/may not have noticed, what the parent's concerns are, the basis for these concerns, and what might be done about it.

Speaking with respect, empathy and a willingness to take on board both sides of the story is important to the problem-solving process.



The balance of power

"I sometimes feel a bit sidelined in meetings, I just feel they use all their terms that I don's understand and they know the system more than I do anyway - that's probably why I feel an outsider." (Roffey, 2002, p37)

It is important to consider the context of communication in meetings. A parent can be intimidated and disempowered in their role of advocate for their child if they attend a meeting with a number of school representatives using educational jargon. They can feel disempowered if they don't have all the information they need about policies and procedures before they come to a meeting.

It is important that any meeting occur on the basis of:

• common goals
  
• a willingness to negotiate and value each other's input equally
• shared information
• shared responsibility, this way avoiding blaming each other
  
• apartnership, rather than a school being the decision-maker and parents the "supporters". (Rose and Howley, 2007)

If parents are feeling an imbalance of power, it is within their rights to bring someone with them to meetings. This can be an extended family member, a friend or a professional. One parent I talked to brought along her private speech therapist to learning support team meetings to help with the funding application process. Other families have used professional advocacy services such as the Disability Advocacy Service, who can attend meetings with parents and provide support through their knowledge of the school and legal systems. Early intervention services such as the Strengthening Families service will also support parents in meetings as they begin to negotiate the transition to school.

....

"Parents want to know what is going on for their child in school. They prefer informal contact that is positive, regular, private, planned, non-intrusive, two-way and early enough to make a difference." (Roffey, 2002 p 33)

....

References

Boult, B. (2006). 176 Ways to Involve Parents: Practical Strategies for Partnering with Families. Corwin Press: California.

Coleman, P. (1998). Parent, Student and Teacher Collaboration: The Power of Three. Corwin Press: California.

Roffey, S. (2002). School Behaviour and Families: Frameworks for Working Together. David Fulton Publishers: London.

Rose, R., and Howley, M. (2007). The Practical Guide to Special Educational Needs in Inclusive Primary Classrooms. Paul Chapman Publishing: London.

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Home school collaboration: the importance of trust and how to build it

Research has shown a clear link between family involvement at school and a child's educational achievement. This is especially significant for children who have disabilities (Sheehey, Ornelles & Noonan, 2009). This highlights the importance of schools and families working together.

However, making home-school partnerships work is something that doesn't always come easy. It is important that we look at the things that can make it work.

Trust

One of the things that you often come across when reading or talking about working with schools is the concept of trust. As Boult (2006) states:

"The key to success [in creating an accepting climate] is trust and respect of one another's roles in the education of children." (p37)

Looking at information about trust in home-school relationships, Adams and Christenson (2000) defined trust as

"confidence that another person will act in a way to benefit or sustain the relationship, or the implicit of explict goals of the relationship, to achieve postive outcomes for students." (p480)

In short, to trust another person we need to have an understanding of a common goal (positive educational achievement for the child), a genuine commitment to that goal, and an ability to openly and honestly communicate without fear of negative consequences.


Building Trust

Lewis (2004) lists the ingredients of trust as being "respect, competence, personal regard and integrity" (p483)


Respect

As the quote from Boult suggests, respecting each other's roles is important. Conflict can often arise when families feel they are not being heard, or when teachers feel that parents do not understand the nature of their job.

One of the reasons why families may feel disrespected is because teachers or schools may not be recognising the value of their "expertise".

A family's expertise lies in their anecdotal and experiential knowledge of their child (Hughes & MacNaughton, 2002). While this knowledge is different to that of a teacher, it is not less valuable. We can only find out what makes a child who they are by listening to parents, especially if the child is not able to communicate these things themselves. And this is what makes parents such powerful advocates.

But while there is great value in seeing the individual through parents eyes, it is also important that there is clear communication and respect for the nature of the classroom and the education system.

Schools and other professionals must work within a system. This system provides philosophical guidelines, resourcing policies, physical facilities and so on. To create positive working relationships, be open and honest communication about these guidelines and policies from schools is important (Olsen, 2003; West-Burnham, Farrar & Otero, 2007). And schools need respect and support from families to help them make the most of their resources and facilities within those guidelines.

Without this mutual respect and recognition of each other's strengths and limitations, it can be easy to fall into the trap of the blame game (Roffey, 2002). So instead of working together on a solution, a school may "blame" parents for a child's inappropriate behaviour and suggest the family finds solutions. Alternately, the family may feel the child's behaviour is only inappropriate at school and expect the school to deal with it.

With mutual respect, both sides are more likely to be open about the nature of the behaviour, how often it occurs and possible triggers. And this is likely to be a catalyst for positive planning and change (Minke & Anderson, 2005).

In this way we move from seeing the interaction as "parent involvement" and start seeing it as a working partnership.


Competence

Having a knowledge of all parties roles and limitations means that we are less likely to have unrealistic expectations. As discussed in the context of bullying, schools have to work within the guidelines of the system. If schools help parents understand these more fully, then families are more likely to see schools and teachers a competent.

However, it is important that both families and schools/teachers are genuinely committed to the process of collaboration. This process involves not only meeting, discussing and planning - it is also about implementing what has been discussed in a timely manner.

Families will find it difficult to trust schools or teachers who they perceive to be slow in acting on what has been discussed (Roffey, 2002). There may be a number of reasons why action may seem slow in coming - including the possibility that approval or resourcing processes take time in the school system, or that the school/teacher has failed to provide the parent with updates about progress. Therefore, it is important that a) the family understand the processes involved in achieving change and b) that the school/teacher communicate regularly with the family about the process.


Personal Regard

Informal, frequent contact between teachers and families is just as, if not more, important than formal meetings and notes home. This is because informal contact provides an environment where relationships can develop.

The importance of developing relationships is to ensure there is an understanding of each others' beliefs and culture (West-Burnham, et al 2007). It helps to build common ground on which future problem-solving can be based.

It is also important to recognise that much of the formal communication involves dealing with social, behavioural or academic difficulties. However, to establish trust and a good working relationship, a focus on the positives is important. Talking about the small achievements of students during the day can play a significant part in building a positive partnership between families and teachers/schools (Boult, 2006; Ouellette, Briscoe and Tyson, 2004).

The other element of this is the importance of talking about things face to face (Boult, 2006). Sending a note home, emailing, or telephoning all take away the element of personal contact. It limits the ability of both parties to "read" each others' emotions. It also means that there can be some delay or misunderstandings in an exchange of views. Person to person contact can mitigate the effects of communicating unwanted news, such as concern over a student's development or behaviour, through body-language that communicates respect, support and empathy.

So having conversations rather than formal discussions is a key to developing trust (Croft, 2010).


Integrity

As mentioned previously, honesty and transparency about policies, procedures, beliefs and limitations are an important ingredient for trust.

Other measures of integrity may include:

• Respecting the level confidentiality expected by the family/school
  
• Being genuine
  
• Avoiding assumptions
• Following through with commitments
  

(Boult, 2006; Roffey, 2002; West-Burnham et al., 2007)

...

"A straightforward model of parental involvement requires that parents and teachers come together in a spirit of mutual trust and openness." (Roffey, 2002 p 131)

...

References:

Adams, K.S. and Christenson, S.L. (2000). Trust and the Family-School relationship: Examination of Parent-Teacher Differences in Elementary and Secondary Grades. Journal of School Psychology, 58(5), pp477-497.

Boult, B. (2006). 176 Ways to Involve Parents: Practical Strategies for Partnering with Families. Corwin Press: California.

Croft, C. (2010). Talking to Families of Infants and Toddlers about Developmental Delays. Young Children, 4(7), p44.

Hughes, P. and MacNaughton, G. (2002). Preparing Early Childhood Professionals to Work with Parents: The Challenes of diversity and Dissensus. Australian Journal of Early Childhood, 27(2). pp14-21.

Lewis, A.C. (2004). Schools that Engage Children. Phi Delta Kappan, 85(7), p483.

Minke, K.M., and Anderson, K.J. (2005). Family-School Collaboration and Positive Behavior Support. Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, 7(3), pg. 181

Olson, L.M. (2oo3). Pathways to Collaboration. Reclaiming Children and Youth, 11(4), pg. 236

Ouellette, P.M., Briscoe, R., and Tyson, C. (2004). Parent-School and Community Partnerships in Children’s Mental Health: Networking Challenges, Dilemmas, and Solutions. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 13(3), pp. 295–308.

Roffey, S. (2002). School Behaviour and Families: Frameworks for Working Together. David Fulton Publishers: London.

Sheehey, P., Ornelles, C. and Noonan, M.J. (2009). Biculturalization: Developing Culturally Responsive Approaches to Family Participation. Intervention in School and Clinic, 45(2), p132-139.

West-Burnham, J., Farrar, M. and Otero, G. (2007). School and Communities: Working together to transform children's lives. Network Continuum: London.

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The first contact

The first contact in any relationship sets the tone for the future.

Here are some examples of the types of first contact a parent may have with a school or teacher. The question is... how will each of these influence the future parent-teacher/school relationship?

The Phone Call

"Hello?"

"Is that Mrs. Tompkins?"

"Speaking."

"This is Silent Street Public School. There has been an incident with Sam."

Ker-thump, ker-thump, ker-thump (Mrs. Tompkins' heart beat)

"We would like you to come in and meet with Mrs. Ellison, the principal. How soon can you make it?"

"Uhm... I am at work." Mrs. Tompkins is still feeling a little stunned.

"Mrs. Tompkins, this is very important."

"What kind of incident?" Mrs. Tompkins is recovering.

"It is probably best that the Mrs. Ellison talks to you about that. Can you make it in half an hour?"

"Uhm. I suppose I could - "

"Thank you. Come to the front office. Bye, now."

Click.


The parent-teacher night

Don and Rose walk into the room where they are met by Lee's teacher, Mark. Mark greets them and they sit down together.

After some small talk about the weather, Mark begins to ask questions:

"Are there any concerns about Lee's reports? Do you have any questions about how he may be doing?"

"No, we are pretty happy with how he is going. He loves coming to school, and he is doing really well at Maths. Though he doesn't seem to be making friends very easily."

"Yes, there have been some social difficulties. He reacts aggressively and can be rather loud within the classroom. And he also has problems with literacy activities, fine and gross motor activities."

"Oh."

"I have been doing some reading, and I am wondering if you have considered getting Lee assessed for Aspergers or ADHD."

"Oh." Stunned silence.

"It's just that I think there is something wrong... no, I mean different... about Lee that we need to have addressed."

From there the meeting doesn't go well. Lee's father becomes silently hostile, and Lee's mother is visibly upset.

The meeting ends abruptly, with Lee's father saying, "I think we would know if there was anything wrong with Lee. He has always been unique. But that's just Lee!"


A note

Dear Parents,
We are looking for volunteers to help in various capacities around the school. Please contact us if you can help us with any of the following:

• Morning reading groups
• Morning maths groups
  
• Canteen duties
• Excursion supervision

Your time would be greatly appreciated.


A classroom visit

The first time she met the person she thought was going to be Ashley's teacher was at the orientation day. It wasn't so much a meeting, as an introduction, because there were a number of other parents and they were really only there to observe and integrate their children into a classroom for some "practice".

Marianne thought was a great idea, but it was over so quickly. And while she had been able to see the teacher at work, she wished she had had more time to talk to the teacher. She wanted to know more about the type of person who was going to include Ashley in the classroom.

Only, when she dropped Ashley off for the first day of school the teacher was not the one she had met previously. After a brief, "Hello" it was time to leave Ashley in the teacher's care.


Enrolment

"We can have your child in our school, but we do have some concerns about how well we can support them. Have you explored all the other options? There is the special school in ..."

"We want Nat to be in an inclusive classroom. We decided that was important. And the special school is an hour's drive away, and all Nat's siblings are here at your school."

"Welllll, we'll see what we can do. We will need to talk to our Kindergarten teacher...."


A Learning Support Team meeting

"Hello?"

"Mr. Bellick?"

"Speaking."

"We are just ringing to let you know that there will be a planning meeting for your child at 4pm on Wednesday. Feel free to come along if you are able."

"What is a planning meeting?"

"Well, for children who have special needs we have meetings to identify what support will be needed, where we can get it and how this will be used in the classroom. Parents have a right to come to the meeting."

"Oh. OK. I will be there."

Mr. Bellick turns up on Wednesday, walking in to sit across the room from the principal, the teacher, the head teacher for welfare and the integration support teacher from the local Department of Education office.


An unexpected encounter

"Hi, Ms. Johnson. I am Miss Carter. Hello, Jay! Why don't you go and sit with Jo - just here. So how are you feeling, Ms. Johnson?"

"Oh, I'm a little nervous."

"I am sure Jay will be fine. Is there anything you are particularly worried about?"

"It's just that, well, Jay doesn't really know anyone here. And he is very shy and gets anxious if he doesn't know what is coming next."

"That's good to know. I always try to warn my class of what is coming next, and I have a picture timetable of what we are going to do in class. Is there anything he particularly likes to do? Or anything that will help if he is anxious or upset?"

"He usually needs a nice quiet space. He loves puzzles. We often get him to go do puzzles if we see he is getting anxious."

"Great. Well, we will be sure and call you if there are any problems. But I shouldn't think we will need to. And I have this little communication book where I will write a little comment about his day, and you can put any comments or questions, if I don't get to catch up with you after school."

"Thank you."

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