Surviving difficult behaviour

Since bringing up the issue of dealing with aggressive behaviour I have heard a range of comments from parents, teachers and teachers in training.

 

Some of the concerns for beginning teachers revolved around the fear of whether they could deal with difficult behaviour in the classroom. Both parents and teachers have asked the question, “How can I make sure I support the child displaying the aggressive behaviour whilst still protecting the other children around them?” Other concerns revolve around the issue of the stress and potential harm to themselves.

 

 

The challenge of dealing with ongoing challenging behaviour

 

If we are not careful, the challenge of dealing with ongoing aggressive or difficult behaviour can affect our own mental health. Parents and teachers can become anxious, stressed, tired or even “burnt-out”.

 

 

The Therapeutic Teacher

 

Abrams (2005) wrote an article called Becoming a Therapeutic Teacher for Students with Emotional and Behavioural Disorders. While he is talking about teachers, it is possible that the ideas expressed in this article could be helpful for parents as well.

 

Abrams discusses research and principles of working with children who have aggressive or challenging behaviour with the aim of balancing the need to manage teacher stress whilst providing adequate support for the students. He argues that the two go hand in hand.

 

If we can set up an environment that helps prevent the escalation of behaviour, then both the students and the teachers are likely to benefit.

 

 

Empathy

 

One of the key characteristics of a therapeutic teacher is the ability to see beyond the behaviour and focus on the whole child. That is, instead of punishing a child for outbursts or tantrums, the teacher first thinks about the triggers, or the emotion behind the outbursts.

 

This approach helps us recognise the function of the behaviour (as discussed in the last post), and thus helps us to change or reduce the incidences of the behaviour. It helps us be proactive instead of reactive. Which, in the end, takes much less emotional energy and is much more rewarding – for both the adult and the child.

 

It also helps us listen and respect children more. It helps us see the child as someone with interests, strengths, needs, abilities… not just an “aggressive child”. As Abrams says, “Therapeutic teachers show respect for each student’s dignity, even when the student engages in antisocial behaviour.” p41

 

 

Consistency and routine

 

One of the most important tools in dealing with behaviour which benefits both adult and child is consistency and routine. Again, this is about preventing difficult behaviour as much as dealing with difficult incidents when they occur.

 

This can be something as simple as designing a few positive rules, rewards and consequences that the students have had a hand in designing. Reinforcing these calmly, consistently, positively and supportively can have a significant influence on the interactions within a classroom or home.

 

Routines, or a set sequence of activities throughout the day, can also be very helpful. Children with anxiety issues, difficulty adjusting to change or new experiences will benefit from set routines. These can be represented in a written or pictorial routine displayed and with which the child can interact. For example, putting a sticker next to a completed task. Or removing a picture from a sequence of pictures stuck on a surface using Velcro. This helps them feel in control, and makes the environment predictable and safe – and can be a good basis for rewards.

 

 

Organisation and confidence

 

But, importantly, the success of our strategies not only relies on our respect for our students or an understanding of their needs. It also requires organisation, confidence and a willingness to continually learn.

 

This means that if something doesn’t work, we don’t feel guilty or beat ourselves up. It is about approaching each day as a fresh start, for both ourselves and our children, and learning from past experiences.

 

 

Being realistic – yet hopeful

 

One of the things that does seem contradictory in Abram’s discussion is his assertion that we need to be realistic while remaining hopeful and optimistic. As discussed in a previous post, it is often a difficult thing to find the balance between high expectations and what we can realistically expect. This is especially difficult when it comes to behaviour.

 

But if we take one step at a time, one moment at a time, we are more likely to be able to celebrate the small steps without being overwhelmed by the difficult times.

 

 

Managing stress

 

I particularly enjoyed Abrams’ recommendations about stress management. Perhaps we should make it a checklist:

 

1. Am I realistic about what behaviour I might encounter tomorrow?
2. Am I approaching tomorrow with a positive attitude?
3. Have I set priorities and scheduled my time?
4. Am I eating well?
5. Am I exercising?
6. Am I having enough rest?
7. Do I have a hobby?
8. Am I flexible and adaptable?
9. Am I keeping my sense of humour?
10. Am I giving myself permission to feel tired/angry/sad/other?
11. Have I debriefed with a friend/colleague/partner/parent?
12. Have I come up with ways to deal with the cause of my emotion?
13. Am I recognising and accepting things I can’t change?
14. Do I realise that I am not superwoman/superman? 

 

I don’t think I could check all the boxes, but it does help a little to know what to aim for…

 

 

 

Reference:

 

Abrams, B.J. (2005). Becoming a Therapeutic Teacher for Students with Emotional and Behavioural Disorders. Teaching Exceptional Children, 38(2), p40.

 

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Learn2bebuddies in 2011

I know it is a bit late to be talking about New Years, but for me it feels like the year has only just begun as I wind down from wedding plans, the wedding and honeymoon. I don't know what it has brought for you, but for me 2011 has seen me gain a husband, a new extended family and a new home. All this has meant that Learn to be Buddies has been very quiet for a while.

But now it is time to get back into things... so I thought I would share a few things that will be happening this year.


Autism Awareness Month

Hopefully you will all be aware of Autism Awareness Month, which happens in April. Last year I interviewed a series of parents, who told their children's stories here to help build awareness. I also wrote a series of posts on Autism. You can browse last year's posts on this link. I hope to do something similar this year, so sign up to our newsletter, "like" our Facebook Fanpage or follow this blog if you want to be involved.

Learn to be Buddies will also be a sponsor of Autism Rainbow Day on the 1st of April. To find out about what happened on Rainbow Day last year, visit the Rainbowland Autism Services website. You also can follow what is happening on the day through Facebook.


Workshops and conferences

Last year we began running workshops for parents and teachers, as well as activity days and book readings for schools and preschools. The primary theme for these workshops was bullying. You can find out more, and purchase notes from these workshops, on our website.

A few bookings have been made for 2011, but there are available days if you think you would like for me to run a workshop for you or your school. Fill in our inquiry form with an expression of interest, or contact us via email.


Blogging

I will get back into writing blogs about behavioural issues and practical strategies in March. While many of the behaviours addressed will be relevant to children with Autism, the posts will be relevant to parents and teachers of children with other diagnoses as well. The posts may also help parents/teachers of children with no diagnoses as they support their children in the challenges they face in the classroom and in social interaction.

However, I want to make sure that I am writing on topics that my readers are interested in or need information about. So is there anything that you are struggling with at the moment? Or a topic you want to know more about? Please ask a question or suggest a topic here or privately through our enquiry form.

Just note that I am not the final authority on Autism or behavioural issues, nor am I a trained medical practitioner. I am a special education teacher and researcher. I will help you find reliable information. however, any information I provide here should not replace consultation or therapy with relevant, trained professionals.


Learn to be Buddies Resources

We will be getting back to developing more Learn to be Buddies resources this year. We were not able to publish Why Don't You Share? last year as planned, so this is the first goal for 2011. We will also be developing a new series of DVDs, resources, games and a book based on a story addressing the issue of following instructions.

We will also get back into publishing further information sheets. These will be made available in our online store, or for free on our website as we find sponsors.


Newsletters

We will begin getting the monthly Learn to be Buddies newsletters out again beginning in March. These will keep you up to date with events, information, blog themes, products and competitions to win our resources. You can subscribe to our newsletter on our website.

I am looking forward to getting back into this important work again....

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Back to school... and staying sane

For families of children who have special needs, indeed for any family, the beginning of the school year can be exciting... but it can also bring its own set of challenges.

It is exciting...

...to see children re-connect with peers and teachers.

... (and a little frightening) to see children go and become more independent.

... to start seeing children adding to their skills.

... maybe... just a little... to have some "me" time again.


The emotional challenge

However, there may be one particular thing that can cause the return to school to be an emotional time. Parents discover that hard-fought-for skills their child developed and were proficiently using in the previous school year seem to have "disappeared" over the break. Literacy skills, maths skills, language skills and behaviour or social skills ... some of these may need to be re-learnt.

As mentioned in the previous post, this is usually due the fact that certain skills have not been used during the holidays. This, in turn, is due to the significant difference between the home and school environment.

This can be a very difficult thing to deal with as it probably feels like having to "start all over again". Things that parents thought were over, such as behaviour issues in the playground or classroom and the subsequent disciplinary procedures, may happen again at the start of the year.

It may also have a very practical consequence if parents are asked to attend meetings or spend time at school helping to deal with these issues.

And then there is the tiredness to deal with. Difficulties over homework, meal-times, sibling squabbles, and other behaviours may temporarily increase.

The home routines will also be changing as the holiday routines are replaced by the home-school-home routine. This can be an added challenge as the whole family adapts to the return to school.

So what can we do?

Be prepared

Without discouraging yourself or your child :), expect some regression. You might get a great, positive surprise and see your child slip back into the school routine with very few problems!

I have also known some parents who take the first week off work if possible so they can help their child in the adjustments phase.

You may also want to prepare your child. Treat the return to school as you would the initial transition to school. A few weeks before school, start talking about school and its routines. .. But I talked about that in my last post.

Find support

Talk to the teacher about your child and any concerns you have so they are hopefully more equipped to support you and your child. A new teacher will not know as much as you do about the circumstances, strengths and difficulties your child will bring to the new year.

You might also want to set up some informal supports for your child... like a family friend, sibling, or peer buddy who will be at school with them if they need a familiar face. Make sure it is someone the child has seen during the holidays.

Prioritise

Having routines set out for what will happen when your child comes home from school is important and helpful. Getting children to design this routine, and a visual chart of each activity will help to decrease after-school "debates". Combining this visual chart with rewards can help get the essentials like eating, homework, baths and so on done even when everybody is exhausted. But there may be "those days"...

On "those days" you might cut a few steps out of the routine. Maintaining the mental and physical health of your family is more important than getting those last few Maths homework questions done. But make sure you send a note or maintain a communication book with the teacher to let them know the circumstances of this decision so your child does not feel the consequences of this the next day at school.

Reward yourself as well as your child

In my last post I suggested designing a rewards system for your child for their completion of each day at school. It's also good to reward yourself...

One parent I know has a half-hour of "me time" with a book, a cuppa and a bar of chocolate scheduled as often as possible - at least once a week. I hope you get the opportunity to do something similar. You deserve it!

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Ask Amanda: To share or not to share

Shelley asked a tricky question about how to share information with teachers, without offending or running the risk of a teacher reading something which may harm their relationship with their students' parents.

Her primary questions boil down to:
DO primary teachers use online materials like these? How likely are they to venture into the blogging world of their parents?

I have no statistics etc about teacher use of online resources, or of the trends in what blogs they read. However, there are several things that will influence a teachers' reading habits on the internet:

Time - Scrolling through or searching for online resources can take a lot of time. So often we access only sites to which we have been referred by friends or workmates. So if you feel you have found a great resource, don't be afraid to share it. But share a specific link, or print out a specific document. This will mean that you are targetting the information that is relevant and that you really want them to have.

But do not be offended if they don't use it. We all have different ways of working, and there are so many good ideas that they may already have a resource which is addressing the same need.

Information overload - This links in with the last point I made. There are so many different strategies that can be used to get a similar outcome, and there are millions of websites that deal with teaching issues and strategies. Due to the intensity and busy-ness of teaching, sticking with familiar strategies that are working or sites that we know is often easier than searching through the masses of information on the 'net, some of which is not reliable or valid information.

It is also much more likely that teachers will use respected websites such as government sites, support group sites such as Downsed and Vision Australia than blogs that may or may not be reliable from a professional, research-based practice perspective.

So when sharing sites with teachers, make sure you share the credentials of the company or person running the site as teachers will be more likely to read and use information from people whose credentials they trust.

Social or professional? - However, the latter point can be influenced by how much and for what purpose the teacher uses the 'net. For example, some teachers will be using the internet for social purposes. And these teachers are perhaps more likely to be internet savvy, and spend more time exploring. They may also be more likely to explore sites such as blogs - and may be more likely to stumble across parents' musings.

It is also important to recognise that often teachers who care the most, who are trying the hardest and investing the most time and effort in your child's education may also be the most likely to be distressed by parents' "venting." This may contribute to a sense of helplessness and cause them to give up in the struggle to achieve the best learning environment for the child.

How to protect your relationship with your child's teacher:

If you need to freely vent on your blog, you might want to weigh up the costs and benefits of the following options:

- Using an internet alias
- Adjusting your privacy settings to limit who can visit your site
- Being careful about using photos or names that are identifiable in your blog

As a professional, I do all of these things when I am writing as a private individual and want to vent about the frustrations of my professional life. I do have an open facebook account, but attempt to make sure my comments on this account do not have the potential to offend anyone I work with or teach - thus it is not the place to vent. I have a private account for that :)


But I might be wrong... are you a teacher? a parent? What are your thoughts?

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A family support worker speaks about the transition to school

An interview with Kim from Firstchance Strengthening Families for Stronger Kids
The notes in square brackets [ ] are my additions.

Q: What is the name of your service and what children/families does it support?

Firstchance Strengthening Families for Stronger Kids (SFSK) supports families in the Lake Macquarie area (NSW, Australia) who have a child with a diagnosed disability.

Strengthening Families for Stronger Kids provides information support, quarterly newsletters, parent training/information sessions, parent mentor/coffee mornings and access to the Firstchance Resource Library (very up to date).

Some of our events in the past that have met a group need are the Hunter Movie Club (in partnership with ASPECT and Stuart Centre), Family Camp, Siblings Group, and a Family Picnic.


Q: What do you do to help children and families prepare for school?

We can support families in the Lake Macquarie Area transition their child to school if they do not have access to any other early intervention or service that can do this.


Q: What have you found to be the things parents find most difficult in the transition to school process?

Communicating with the school: Parents can often feel daunted by the number of school staff present compared to parent/s in attendance at Transition meetings/IEP(Individual Education Plan) meetings. Parents can often feel as though they don't know enough about what they can expect the school can offer them, and this is why each term SFSK has a parent information session called "Getting the most out of your school."


Q: What things would you say children struggle with the most in the transition to school?

The increased independence required, communication, social skills and attention to task skills [such as concentration, sitting still].


Q: What could a parent do at home to get their child ready for school?

Ensure their child can communicate with other people who are not familiar with them because even though you may know what your child is telling them others may not understand them. For children with communication difficulties, consider using augmentative communication such as a key-ring with "survival" Boardmaker pictures including, but not restricted to: toilet, eat, drink, help, happy, sad, angry. [See example here]

Support your child to become more independent in putting clothes on, shoes, toileting, eating and blowing their own nose.

Support your child to be able to take turns with other children and some simple games to play with other children at recess and lunch whilst at school.

Support your child to increase their attention to task through cognitive activities they enjoy and then extending them in the activities that are less preferred. [Cognitive tasks might include playing card games, drawing, listening to stories and so on]


Q: What advice would you give parents as they think about the transition process?

Prepare early and start to think about the best environment for your child that is going to assist them reach their maximum potential.

Don't assume the school knows things about your child or have read reports, it doesn't hurt to take a copy of recent reports along to every meeting to ensure class teacher sees them.

Always take a support person to any meeting you go to at school for emotional support and to write down minutes.


.....

Thanks so much, Kim, for your contribution. Visit http://www.newcastle.edu.au/centre/sed/firstchance/sfsk/index.html to find out more about SFSK.

.

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