Home-school communication: Broaching difficult subjects

Hearing for the first time that their child may not be developing at the same rate as their peers is a pivotal moment in a parent's life. Many parents already have a sense that something is "different" about their child, and some children may have been diagnosed at birth. However, there are times when a teacher is the one who introduces the topic.

Because this topic is one that is invested with so much emotion, here are some things for teachers to think about.


1. Build a positive relationship first

As highlighted in a previous post, the first contact you have with a parent will set the tone for your relationship. And essential to a positive relationship is the opportunity to build trust and respect. So it is important that in the weeks before you broach the subject of a possible delay in development, you have made time to chat informally about less emotionally charged subjects. This will help you get to know the parent, and the parent get to know you. Talking about positives will also help the parent recognise that you are seeing the strengths of the child, and valuing their difference, rather than just seeing the child's difficulties.


2. Don't wait too long

While it is important to get to know the child and parent first, it is also important not to let the issue go unaddressed too long. Early intervention is an important part of maximising a child's potential. So don't rush... but don't dawdle. You will know the right time when:

• You feel comfortable conversing with the family on a variety of topics.
• You have gathered enough observational records to reinforce your concerns about the child's development.
• If possible, you have had your concerns confirmed or reinforced by a colleague who also works closely with the child.

3. Understand the adjustment phases, or grieving process

Parents will react in different ways to the suggestion that their child may not be developing at the expected rate. It is important to understand the reactions you might see, and not to take these personally.

Click here for a great article from LD online about the grieving process. And this article by Ruth Mortimer may be helpful for parents.


4. Be informed about policies, procedures and available services

It is important that, before you start talking to parents, you are aware of any policies your school or service may have with regards to referrals and discussions about special needs. There may be a specific procedure for what you are able to share with the parent, how you are to do this, and who you might need to send the parent to in order to start the referral, diagnostic and support process.

It is also important for you to have an idea about community services available such as social workers, paediatricians, child psychologists, clinics, therapists. Alternately, you need to know who to send the parent to in order to find this information. Having some pamphlets, websites or contact details for the parent will be very helpful - even if you don't pass on all the information you have (see point 10).


5. Give some prior warning

It is important to go about the process of talking to a parent about their child's development in a measured way. While we cannot eliminate the shock, we may be able to mitigate its affects by giving parents a sense of what is coming if they have not already become aware that there may be an issue.

For example, ask some questions about the child's development. You might talk about milestones such as when the child first talked or walked. You may ask the parents about behaviour strengths and difficulties.

Having a number of informal conversations rather than just one formal meeting can help the family feel more supported and less overwhelmed. However, setting a time to meet and discuss the issue in more depth will be the next step in the process.


6. Find a quiet, private space

It is important, wherever possible, that the discussion not take place in front of the child. There are several reasons for this. One is that the parent may feel distressed, and even a very young child may respond to this and make it difficult for the parent to work through or express their emotion freely. Another is that what is said may affect a child's perception of themselves.

For similar reasons, it is important that the discussion is private to you, the family and any other colleague that you and the family trust. Being able to speak openly will be important.


7. Find out what the parent thinks

Always start by getting the parent to talk about their child and whether they have any concerns. This will help to ensure a non-judgemental atmosphere, where they feel authentically respected in their knowledge of their child.


8. Speak calmly, with empathy

Measure everything you say by how you might feel if it was you in the parent's shoes.


9. Avoid an imbalance of power

A parent may feel disrespected or intimidated if:

• You talk to them across a desk. Sit together in comfortable chairs so that physically you are on the same level.
• You talk "at" them. Talk "with" them - spend as much time listening as talking. Pause and allow "thinking time", so that the parent has time to absorb and respond.
  
• You use jargon. Avoid any educational jargon. Talk in plain language to ensure there are no misunderstandings.
  

10. Don't overwhelm them with information

Listen and watch the parent's reactions. This will tell you when the parent has come to the limit of what they can handle at that point in time. With information about diagnostic and special education or early intervention services, answer questions and make written information available but don't be pushy. Families will need time to take on board all the information, and some families will move through the stages of adjustment more quickly than others.


11. Stick to your area of expertise

As teachers, we are not qualified to label or diagnose children. What we might think is a symptom of Autism may actually be a result of a hearing impairment. What we might think is ADHD may actually be a result of a language delay. Further, parents may have strong views about labelling a child.

When talking to parents, we need to focus on what we have observed and what we know about child development. Having written observations, records and reports as well as a developmental checklist or milestones chart will help parents work with you to their child's strengths and difficulties.


12. Make no judgements

If a family does not follow up with a diagnosis, special education support or early intervention, avoid judging them. Continue to be supportive and provide them with feedback about their child. Make information about services readily available. But give families the time and space to make their decisions. Again, knowing the stages of adjustment will help you understand why parents may be making their decisions.


A good article to read on this topic:

Croft, C. (2010). Talking to Families of Infants and Toddlers about Developmental Delays. Young Children, 65(1), p44.

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Home-school communication that works

By Amanda Gray ..... Copyright Amanda Gray 2010

In talking to parents about their relationships with schools one of the key ingredients that make it a success... or not... is communication.

For parents who enjoy a good relationship with their school, positive, two-way communication is something they often talk about. For example, parents who feel their school is supportive often mention things like:

• Their child's teacher is always available for a chat.
• If they tell the teacher about an issue, the teacher will react in a supportive and prompt way.
• The teacher acts on what has been discussed with the parent.
• Even if they have different opinions, they can work out a solution based on mutual respect and an understanding that both the school and family have the child's best interest at heart.
  

Parents whose relationship with their child's school is not what they would like it to be often mention at least one of the following things:

• It is hard to find anyone to talk to...
• The principal/teacher is not really listening because they don't do anything about issues discussed, don't tell the family what is being done, or don't take the family's wishes into consideration.
• They feel overwhelmed by "professional-speak", and come out of meetings confused or stupid.

This gives us some good hints about home-school communication that actually works.


Informal contact

Roffey (2002) reports on research exploring the relationship between schools and families who have children with behavioural difficulties. One of the things they found was the value that families placed on informal interactions. For example, they report one parent saying,

"If he wanted to talk to you, he'd say: 'Can I have a word?'. you know, privately. He was really good at that, I liked him." (p33)

So being able to catch a teacher, or visa versa, at times during the day is important. But the ability to do this changes as children get older.

In the pre-school years, this informal contact is regular and relatively easy as families pick up and drop off their children. In the early primary school years, this may also be true. But, as children learn to catch the bus and attend school independently, this informal, face to face contact is more difficult.

Using phone contact is perhaps the next best thing. Or using the phone to set up an informal face-to-face chat, especially in the middle and high school years. However, for working parents there is the added difficulty of making appointments during the school day. Taking time off work, or dashing down during the lunch hour, is not always an option.

One of the factors that make informal, face-to-face communication valuable is time. If it is planned appropriately, then it can be done in a calm way.

Further, it is important that difficult issues be addressed privately (Roffey, 2002). For example, it is important not to talk about a child in front of them or their peers. This can have an impact on a child's self-esteem, and can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies or teasing. The only exception would be if you wanted to involve the child in the discussion, but care would need to be taken that they didn't feel disempowered by having two adults "against" them.


Regular communication

Communicating regularly, and not just when there is a problem to solve, is important (Coleman, 1998). If communication between home and school starts on a positive note, and continues to be dotted with positives, then this can help build trust and a feeling of partnership rather than an "us versus them" feeling. It helps parents see that teachers know their child's strengths, not just their difficulties. And positive feedback from parents helps teachers further understand the child's strengths and build a positive, mutual understanding with families.

Regular communication becomes even more important for children who have a disability that affects their ability to telling their parents about their school day. This can mean that parents feel quite isolated from the education environment if there is no regular, day-to-day feedback from teachers or if the parents are unable to visit or volunteer at the school.

In these cases, one of the most effective tools to use is a communication book. Follow this link to read about some great ideas for home-school communication books. If you don't want to read the whole article, skip down to page 5 for some great examples.

Regular feedback is also important to ensure that families and teachers become aware of issues before they escalate (Coleman, 1998). For example, parents may see a change in their child's behaviour at home that could indicate that difficulties such as bullying is happening at school. Passing this on to teachers could help the teacher be more vigilant, observing the child closely for what might be happening.

Or a teacher may be finding a child is beginning to show some behavioural difficulties. By letting a parent know before it becomes a big issue, they may find out that there are some changes happening at home (such as a new baby, moving house, a change in routine) that could be contributing to the difficulties at school.

But ultimately, communicating regularly is an essential tool in preventing social and behavioural issues from escalating. Further, it is important for positive and collaborative problem-solving.

The other side of this is that regular feedback will ensure the family knows what is being done to address an issue at school. Being informed means that they don't feel the problem is being ignored, and that they can help with reinforcing the solution through discussion and strategies at home. This continuity is very important for lasting behaviour change or academic progress.


Openness, honesty and respect

In the previous post, I discussed the importance of open and honest communication to the development of trust.

It is also important that if there is a problem, the discussion be focused on the issue not on the child or the teacher/school (Boult, 2006).

For example, if a teacher is concerned about a child who is hitting, kicking or pushing on the playground, the conversation may go like this (after the usual greetings and a comment about what Sam has achieved lately)....

"Well, I did want to talk to you about some concerns I have about what is happening on the playground for Sam. I was just wondering if he had mentioned anything to you, or if you have noticed anything different at home?..."

This opens up the conversation to be about what is happening, and what may be contributing to the issue. This is more likely to bring about a positive partnership in problem-solving than a phone call home to request a suspension meeting, or to tell the parent about the negative behaviours and the disciplinary measures to be implemented. This is because the parent is seeing the teacher/school's concern for the child and a desire to change what is happening.

On the other side of the story, if a parent has a concern about something that is happening in the classroom, a good way to open the conversation may be...

"Sam is really loving the games she gets to play at music time. I was just wondering if you were aware of any problems she might be having with the other children saying things about her in that class?...."

This can then open up the conversation about what the teacher may/may not have noticed, what the parent's concerns are, the basis for these concerns, and what might be done about it.

Speaking with respect, empathy and a willingness to take on board both sides of the story is important to the problem-solving process.



The balance of power

"I sometimes feel a bit sidelined in meetings, I just feel they use all their terms that I don's understand and they know the system more than I do anyway - that's probably why I feel an outsider." (Roffey, 2002, p37)

It is important to consider the context of communication in meetings. A parent can be intimidated and disempowered in their role of advocate for their child if they attend a meeting with a number of school representatives using educational jargon. They can feel disempowered if they don't have all the information they need about policies and procedures before they come to a meeting.

It is important that any meeting occur on the basis of:

• common goals
  
• a willingness to negotiate and value each other's input equally
• shared information
• shared responsibility, this way avoiding blaming each other
  
• apartnership, rather than a school being the decision-maker and parents the "supporters". (Rose and Howley, 2007)

If parents are feeling an imbalance of power, it is within their rights to bring someone with them to meetings. This can be an extended family member, a friend or a professional. One parent I talked to brought along her private speech therapist to learning support team meetings to help with the funding application process. Other families have used professional advocacy services such as the Disability Advocacy Service, who can attend meetings with parents and provide support through their knowledge of the school and legal systems. Early intervention services such as the Strengthening Families service will also support parents in meetings as they begin to negotiate the transition to school.

....

"Parents want to know what is going on for their child in school. They prefer informal contact that is positive, regular, private, planned, non-intrusive, two-way and early enough to make a difference." (Roffey, 2002 p 33)

....

References

Boult, B. (2006). 176 Ways to Involve Parents: Practical Strategies for Partnering with Families. Corwin Press: California.

Coleman, P. (1998). Parent, Student and Teacher Collaboration: The Power of Three. Corwin Press: California.

Roffey, S. (2002). School Behaviour and Families: Frameworks for Working Together. David Fulton Publishers: London.

Rose, R., and Howley, M. (2007). The Practical Guide to Special Educational Needs in Inclusive Primary Classrooms. Paul Chapman Publishing: London.

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Home school collaboration: the importance of trust and how to build it

Research has shown a clear link between family involvement at school and a child's educational achievement. This is especially significant for children who have disabilities (Sheehey, Ornelles & Noonan, 2009). This highlights the importance of schools and families working together.

However, making home-school partnerships work is something that doesn't always come easy. It is important that we look at the things that can make it work.

Trust

One of the things that you often come across when reading or talking about working with schools is the concept of trust. As Boult (2006) states:

"The key to success [in creating an accepting climate] is trust and respect of one another's roles in the education of children." (p37)

Looking at information about trust in home-school relationships, Adams and Christenson (2000) defined trust as

"confidence that another person will act in a way to benefit or sustain the relationship, or the implicit of explict goals of the relationship, to achieve postive outcomes for students." (p480)

In short, to trust another person we need to have an understanding of a common goal (positive educational achievement for the child), a genuine commitment to that goal, and an ability to openly and honestly communicate without fear of negative consequences.


Building Trust

Lewis (2004) lists the ingredients of trust as being "respect, competence, personal regard and integrity" (p483)


Respect

As the quote from Boult suggests, respecting each other's roles is important. Conflict can often arise when families feel they are not being heard, or when teachers feel that parents do not understand the nature of their job.

One of the reasons why families may feel disrespected is because teachers or schools may not be recognising the value of their "expertise".

A family's expertise lies in their anecdotal and experiential knowledge of their child (Hughes & MacNaughton, 2002). While this knowledge is different to that of a teacher, it is not less valuable. We can only find out what makes a child who they are by listening to parents, especially if the child is not able to communicate these things themselves. And this is what makes parents such powerful advocates.

But while there is great value in seeing the individual through parents eyes, it is also important that there is clear communication and respect for the nature of the classroom and the education system.

Schools and other professionals must work within a system. This system provides philosophical guidelines, resourcing policies, physical facilities and so on. To create positive working relationships, be open and honest communication about these guidelines and policies from schools is important (Olsen, 2003; West-Burnham, Farrar & Otero, 2007). And schools need respect and support from families to help them make the most of their resources and facilities within those guidelines.

Without this mutual respect and recognition of each other's strengths and limitations, it can be easy to fall into the trap of the blame game (Roffey, 2002). So instead of working together on a solution, a school may "blame" parents for a child's inappropriate behaviour and suggest the family finds solutions. Alternately, the family may feel the child's behaviour is only inappropriate at school and expect the school to deal with it.

With mutual respect, both sides are more likely to be open about the nature of the behaviour, how often it occurs and possible triggers. And this is likely to be a catalyst for positive planning and change (Minke & Anderson, 2005).

In this way we move from seeing the interaction as "parent involvement" and start seeing it as a working partnership.


Competence

Having a knowledge of all parties roles and limitations means that we are less likely to have unrealistic expectations. As discussed in the context of bullying, schools have to work within the guidelines of the system. If schools help parents understand these more fully, then families are more likely to see schools and teachers a competent.

However, it is important that both families and schools/teachers are genuinely committed to the process of collaboration. This process involves not only meeting, discussing and planning - it is also about implementing what has been discussed in a timely manner.

Families will find it difficult to trust schools or teachers who they perceive to be slow in acting on what has been discussed (Roffey, 2002). There may be a number of reasons why action may seem slow in coming - including the possibility that approval or resourcing processes take time in the school system, or that the school/teacher has failed to provide the parent with updates about progress. Therefore, it is important that a) the family understand the processes involved in achieving change and b) that the school/teacher communicate regularly with the family about the process.


Personal Regard

Informal, frequent contact between teachers and families is just as, if not more, important than formal meetings and notes home. This is because informal contact provides an environment where relationships can develop.

The importance of developing relationships is to ensure there is an understanding of each others' beliefs and culture (West-Burnham, et al 2007). It helps to build common ground on which future problem-solving can be based.

It is also important to recognise that much of the formal communication involves dealing with social, behavioural or academic difficulties. However, to establish trust and a good working relationship, a focus on the positives is important. Talking about the small achievements of students during the day can play a significant part in building a positive partnership between families and teachers/schools (Boult, 2006; Ouellette, Briscoe and Tyson, 2004).

The other element of this is the importance of talking about things face to face (Boult, 2006). Sending a note home, emailing, or telephoning all take away the element of personal contact. It limits the ability of both parties to "read" each others' emotions. It also means that there can be some delay or misunderstandings in an exchange of views. Person to person contact can mitigate the effects of communicating unwanted news, such as concern over a student's development or behaviour, through body-language that communicates respect, support and empathy.

So having conversations rather than formal discussions is a key to developing trust (Croft, 2010).


Integrity

As mentioned previously, honesty and transparency about policies, procedures, beliefs and limitations are an important ingredient for trust.

Other measures of integrity may include:

• Respecting the level confidentiality expected by the family/school
  
• Being genuine
  
• Avoiding assumptions
• Following through with commitments
  

(Boult, 2006; Roffey, 2002; West-Burnham et al., 2007)

...

"A straightforward model of parental involvement requires that parents and teachers come together in a spirit of mutual trust and openness." (Roffey, 2002 p 131)

...

References:

Adams, K.S. and Christenson, S.L. (2000). Trust and the Family-School relationship: Examination of Parent-Teacher Differences in Elementary and Secondary Grades. Journal of School Psychology, 58(5), pp477-497.

Boult, B. (2006). 176 Ways to Involve Parents: Practical Strategies for Partnering with Families. Corwin Press: California.

Croft, C. (2010). Talking to Families of Infants and Toddlers about Developmental Delays. Young Children, 4(7), p44.

Hughes, P. and MacNaughton, G. (2002). Preparing Early Childhood Professionals to Work with Parents: The Challenes of diversity and Dissensus. Australian Journal of Early Childhood, 27(2). pp14-21.

Lewis, A.C. (2004). Schools that Engage Children. Phi Delta Kappan, 85(7), p483.

Minke, K.M., and Anderson, K.J. (2005). Family-School Collaboration and Positive Behavior Support. Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, 7(3), pg. 181

Olson, L.M. (2oo3). Pathways to Collaboration. Reclaiming Children and Youth, 11(4), pg. 236

Ouellette, P.M., Briscoe, R., and Tyson, C. (2004). Parent-School and Community Partnerships in Children’s Mental Health: Networking Challenges, Dilemmas, and Solutions. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 13(3), pp. 295–308.

Roffey, S. (2002). School Behaviour and Families: Frameworks for Working Together. David Fulton Publishers: London.

Sheehey, P., Ornelles, C. and Noonan, M.J. (2009). Biculturalization: Developing Culturally Responsive Approaches to Family Participation. Intervention in School and Clinic, 45(2), p132-139.

West-Burnham, J., Farrar, M. and Otero, G. (2007). School and Communities: Working together to transform children's lives. Network Continuum: London.

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The first contact

The first contact in any relationship sets the tone for the future.

Here are some examples of the types of first contact a parent may have with a school or teacher. The question is... how will each of these influence the future parent-teacher/school relationship?

The Phone Call

"Hello?"

"Is that Mrs. Tompkins?"

"Speaking."

"This is Silent Street Public School. There has been an incident with Sam."

Ker-thump, ker-thump, ker-thump (Mrs. Tompkins' heart beat)

"We would like you to come in and meet with Mrs. Ellison, the principal. How soon can you make it?"

"Uhm... I am at work." Mrs. Tompkins is still feeling a little stunned.

"Mrs. Tompkins, this is very important."

"What kind of incident?" Mrs. Tompkins is recovering.

"It is probably best that the Mrs. Ellison talks to you about that. Can you make it in half an hour?"

"Uhm. I suppose I could - "

"Thank you. Come to the front office. Bye, now."

Click.


The parent-teacher night

Don and Rose walk into the room where they are met by Lee's teacher, Mark. Mark greets them and they sit down together.

After some small talk about the weather, Mark begins to ask questions:

"Are there any concerns about Lee's reports? Do you have any questions about how he may be doing?"

"No, we are pretty happy with how he is going. He loves coming to school, and he is doing really well at Maths. Though he doesn't seem to be making friends very easily."

"Yes, there have been some social difficulties. He reacts aggressively and can be rather loud within the classroom. And he also has problems with literacy activities, fine and gross motor activities."

"Oh."

"I have been doing some reading, and I am wondering if you have considered getting Lee assessed for Aspergers or ADHD."

"Oh." Stunned silence.

"It's just that I think there is something wrong... no, I mean different... about Lee that we need to have addressed."

From there the meeting doesn't go well. Lee's father becomes silently hostile, and Lee's mother is visibly upset.

The meeting ends abruptly, with Lee's father saying, "I think we would know if there was anything wrong with Lee. He has always been unique. But that's just Lee!"


A note

Dear Parents,
We are looking for volunteers to help in various capacities around the school. Please contact us if you can help us with any of the following:

• Morning reading groups
• Morning maths groups
  
• Canteen duties
• Excursion supervision

Your time would be greatly appreciated.


A classroom visit

The first time she met the person she thought was going to be Ashley's teacher was at the orientation day. It wasn't so much a meeting, as an introduction, because there were a number of other parents and they were really only there to observe and integrate their children into a classroom for some "practice".

Marianne thought was a great idea, but it was over so quickly. And while she had been able to see the teacher at work, she wished she had had more time to talk to the teacher. She wanted to know more about the type of person who was going to include Ashley in the classroom.

Only, when she dropped Ashley off for the first day of school the teacher was not the one she had met previously. After a brief, "Hello" it was time to leave Ashley in the teacher's care.


Enrolment

"We can have your child in our school, but we do have some concerns about how well we can support them. Have you explored all the other options? There is the special school in ..."

"We want Nat to be in an inclusive classroom. We decided that was important. And the special school is an hour's drive away, and all Nat's siblings are here at your school."

"Welllll, we'll see what we can do. We will need to talk to our Kindergarten teacher...."


A Learning Support Team meeting

"Hello?"

"Mr. Bellick?"

"Speaking."

"We are just ringing to let you know that there will be a planning meeting for your child at 4pm on Wednesday. Feel free to come along if you are able."

"What is a planning meeting?"

"Well, for children who have special needs we have meetings to identify what support will be needed, where we can get it and how this will be used in the classroom. Parents have a right to come to the meeting."

"Oh. OK. I will be there."

Mr. Bellick turns up on Wednesday, walking in to sit across the room from the principal, the teacher, the head teacher for welfare and the integration support teacher from the local Department of Education office.


An unexpected encounter

"Hi, Ms. Johnson. I am Miss Carter. Hello, Jay! Why don't you go and sit with Jo - just here. So how are you feeling, Ms. Johnson?"

"Oh, I'm a little nervous."

"I am sure Jay will be fine. Is there anything you are particularly worried about?"

"It's just that, well, Jay doesn't really know anyone here. And he is very shy and gets anxious if he doesn't know what is coming next."

"That's good to know. I always try to warn my class of what is coming next, and I have a picture timetable of what we are going to do in class. Is there anything he particularly likes to do? Or anything that will help if he is anxious or upset?"

"He usually needs a nice quiet space. He loves puzzles. We often get him to go do puzzles if we see he is getting anxious."

"Great. Well, we will be sure and call you if there are any problems. But I shouldn't think we will need to. And I have this little communication book where I will write a little comment about his day, and you can put any comments or questions, if I don't get to catch up with you after school."

"Thank you."

Read more...

Ask Amanda: Why aren't they DOING something?

by Amanda Gray

It is a question that has been asked me by parents a number of times. It comes in different forms. But basically each question is getting at the same idea: "Why isn't the school/teacher stepping in and stopping the bullying?"

This is a tricky question, and for each family/school there is probably a different answer. But here are some things to think about if you are a parent (or teacher) who feels a school (or teacher) should be doing more about a bullying situation.

1. The problem of definition

If you ask five different people what they think bullying is, you will probably get five different answers. Their answer will probably depend on:

• their own experience with bullying (which may lead them to be over- or under- sensitive to conflict and bullying)
  
• their beliefs about resilience ("she should get over it")
• their beliefs about independence ("he needs to learn to deal with it himself")

Even if we have policies that list bullying behaviour and identify procedures for dealing with these, it cannot answer questions like:

• How often do you have to be teased before it becomes "bullying"?
• When does meddling with someone's property move from being a practical joke to bullying?
• When is refusing to play with someone bullying, rather than childhood conflict?

Policies can do their best to address these issues, but the difficulty lies in the dynamic nature of behaviour. It is not until you really know the individuals being bullied that you can accurately identify bullying.

In the words of Findley (2006):

"Being human, our thoughts, instincts and opinions often influence our decision making. This can be a problem, particularly when it comes to responding to bullying. What you think is trivial, may in fact be causing severe distress to the victim, and what you think is serious, may in fact be having little impact, or causing not distress at all. Bullying is determined by the impact it is having on the victim." (p16)

If you want more on this discussion, visit The Learn to be Buddies Series Blog.

2. The difference in perspective

It is a natural thing that parents and teachers have different perspectives. You might call it the difference between an individual vs global perspective, or an intimate vs professional perspective (Coleman, 1998).

So parents will see the impact certain actions have on their child in a different way than the school does. Here are some ways the perspective can differ:

• At home the child may cry themselves to sleep, at school (when asked) they might shrug the situation off (perhaps not wanting to be seen as weak in front of peers)
• Difficult behaviour may be seen at school as... well, difficult behaviour. Whereas at home, the parent, intimately knowing their child, may recognise it as a sign of distress.

So even if parents and teachers see the same signs, the interpretation can be different.

It is perhaps true that no parent wants to see their child unhappy, or having social difficulties. However, a professional view may be that social conflict is a necessary and healthy part of developing social and emotional intelligence (Rigby, 2002). Parents and teachers/schools may have a different perspective on where the line is between unhappiness caused by social conflict, and distress warranting adult intervention.

There is also the added factor of the school/teacher caring for many, whilst the parent is caring for few.

Conclusion?

Schools will act when they judge that the behaviour that is occuring fits the criteria of "bullying". Further, their actions will be determined by interpretation of educational policies, and procedures in place to protect both the "bully" and the "victim". Further, teachers will act according to their individual philosophies and interpretation of policies as guided by the school leadership.

The ethos or social context of the school will be important. As West-Burnham, Farrar and Otero (2007) state, "some schools are better at being schools than others." (p19) Policies play a part in this, but so do the attitudes and philosophies of the school leadership.

It is also important to note that schools will act most strongly on tangible evidence. What they can observe, what they know. So for parents and children, it is most important to continually gather and record evidence of harm, whether emotional or physical. The stronger the evidence, the more likely the school will act - though these actions will always need to adhere to the policies of the school and Education Department. And the school will always need to listen to both sides of the story.

On the other hand, a parent's expectations will be shaped by their interpretation and perspective on their child's social interaction and development. If this differs from the school or teacher's perspective, then it is likely that the school will not be acting as strongly or promptly as a parent might like.

For this reason, parents have an important role as advocates for their child. Parents will know their child as an individual better than the teacher or school.

Schools that work best are those that listen to, and work with, parents - always with the proviso that they must work within the "rules" and guidelines of the education system.



This month I want to explore the working relationship between teachers/schools and parents. I want to find out what works, and what doesn't, and practical ideas to improve relationships between school and home.


References

Coleman, P. (1998). Parent, Student and Teacher Collaboration: The Power of Three. Paul Chapman Publishing: London.

Findley, I. (2006). Responsibility: Beating bullying in Australian schools. ACER press: Camberwell.

Rigby, K. (2002). New Perspectives on Bullying. Jessica Kingsley Publishers: London.

West-Burnham, J., Farrar, M., and Otero, G. (2007). Schools and Communities: Working together to transform children's lives. Network Continuum Education: London.


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Reporting bullying: How to do it in a way that minimises the chance of backlash on your child and maximises the chance of action

Know the signs

You know your child the best. You will probably be the first one to notice any changes in your child’s behaviour. As soon as you notice any changes, start keeping a diary.

The changes to look out for:
- Refusal or reluctance to go to school
- Requests for you to drive them instead of catching the bus
- Complaints of stomach aches or headaches (could be a sign of anxiety)
- Sleeping in or wetting the bed
- A fall in the child’s grades or reports from the teacher that you child is withdrawing from some activities.

While these could be an indication of other issues that could be causing the child anxiety, make sure that you explore the issue of bullying with your child.

As a teacher, you might notice that the child starts hanging around the staff room, or the library during break times. You might see signs of distress such as crying, irritability, lethargy, withdrawal from class activities or complaints of headaches in class. You should also take these signs seriously and immediately discuss them with the child’s parents.

Know your rights and responsibilities

There are laws about bullying (see my previous post on the Disability Standards for Education 2005 – part 8). There are anti-discrimination laws and standards for practice in Australia, the US and the UK.

All schools should have a discipline and/or an anti-bullying policy. As a parent, don’t be afraid to ask to see a copy of this. If the school doesn’t have one, ask why.

If you are a teacher, you should study the school policy. You could also ask the principal to speak at a staff meeting about the policy so that all staff are aware of what they can do if they come across a case of bullying.

But the bottom line is … if you don’t know, don’t be afraid to ask. Ask nicely (Lol), but be persistent.

Keep written records

Keep a diary of what is going on with your child. If possible, ask them to keep a diary. Having written records will help get action faster, and will also act as proof if the case becomes so serious that it needs to be dealt with by the authorities.

If your child has been physically attacked, take photos and put them in the diary as well.

Don’t wait

Any incident needs to be taken seriously and acted on promptly.

Use you written records to regularly and persistently inform the teacher and/or principal about what is happening. For example, with your child’s permission, you might send an email or a letter detailing any incident to the principal on the day it occurs. Follow this up with a phone call.

Alternately, either you as the parent or the teacher can start a “communication book”. This is a book that the child carries between the parent and the teacher. Each time an entry is made and read, both parties must sign and date it. Keep a scanned or photocopied copy just in case your child loses it.

Persistence and tangible evidence usually means that the incidents are taken much more seriously.

Start this process as soon as anything happens. If you can prevent a small thing becoming big it is much better than letting it go because “it wasn’t such a big deal.”

Know what reporting systems are in place at school

Some schools have anonymous ways the child can report bullying. For example, a “Bully Box”. This is usually in a private, safe place. It entails the child writing what happened and who the bully is and placing this in a secure box anonymously.

Other systems encourage the child to report incidents to peers, and the peers report it to higher authority if they cannot resolve the issue themselves. This may be called peer mediation.

Other incidents of bullying need to be reported more openly so protection mechanisms can be put in place for the child. Find out who the child feels safe with at school, and encourage them to report what happened in detail. If they report an incident to you, don’t be tempted to brush it off.

“Sticks and stones can hurt my bones
But words can never harm me.”
Not true.

“Boys will be boys.”
Maybe. But they need to be told when they have crossed the line.

“Yes, the girls are a bit catty. It’s just a phase they are going through. She should find new friends.”
Maybe. But they need to know when their behaviour is inappropriate and hurtful.

“Don’t be a cry-baby!”
Everyone has different levels of resilience and different tipping points depending on their life experiences and individual characteristics. We need to be tuned in to this, not base our judgements on our own resilience.

Behaviour should be measured by its affect on a child, not by one person’s opinion of what is acceptable and “normal”.

Whilst the bullying is dealt with, create a safe space

Your child might need a place to escape to if they feel threatened, especially during break times. Some suggestions include:
- a quiet, highly supervised area in the library
- supervised activities in the computer room
- the school counsellor’s office

They will need a circle of supporters. This could include:
- a buddy from a higher year (eg a year 6 buddy for a year 2 student)
- a group of supportive, same age peers
- a sibling or other relative at the school
- a teacher, school counsellor (social worker) or other adult mentor at school
- increased parental involvement at school (canteen, reading groups and any other volunteer opportunities)


Some good resources:
http://www.bullyingnoway.com.au/default.shtml
http://www.kenrigby.net/
http://www.mindmatters.edu.au/default.asp

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A conversation with a parent about bullying

Copyright Amanda Gray 2009

Between a parent of a child with ADHD, and Amanda (a special education teacher) - published here with permission.

Parent said:
My 11 year old daughter with ADHD and learning disabilities has experienced some bullying by a boy in her class room. The teacher attempted to talk individually to the boy doing the bullying as well as talk privately with my daughter who was distressed over the nasty name-calling, but the boy continues to bully her. This school year had so many new changes with all the kids switching to a new building that I think this year has been the toughest year on my daughter.

The sad thing is that the bullying only made a bad situation even worse. My daughter is literally asking me if she could start going to counselling. Can you imagine???? She is experiencing "separation anxiety" and hates leaving me to go to school. This has gone on throughout the entire school year, but it never got better. Any thoughts on this?

Amanda said:
There are a few things that you might want to look into (though I don't profess to have all the answers)

1. Find out if the boy's parents know about what he is doing and what they feel about it.
The Education Department in Australia recommend that parents of a child who is being bullied don't directly contact the parents of the "bully". However, you can ask the teacher and/or principal to speak to the parents. If they are shocked or disgusted or upset at their child's behaviour, the school might be able to get them involved in designing and implementing consequences for his actions, or they might help their child understand the impact of their bullying on your daughter.

2. If the parents are not on side, and the bullying is occurring due to lack of empathy, the teacher may be able to incorporate lessons, activities and rules into her classroom that tackle the issue of respect and value for diversity.
For example, set up a buddy system where children take turns in "looking after each other" in the playground.

Or have children do activities that help them recognise and value their differences, for example designing posters saying "I am special because..." (for all children, not specific just to your child).

Every morning she could have a "sharing circle", which is about discussing general issues that children have anonymously reported (using a ballot box) or issues that the teacher thinks they need to discuss. For example, she could get the students to talk about teasing, what it is, how it makes others/themselves feel, then ask the students to come up with a rule that might prevent it, and consequences for if it happens.

Publicly addressing the issue of teasing, and having strict consequences in place without talking specifically about your daughter can be a way of "shaming" the bully into backing off. But more importantly, it is about your daughter knowing that there are people on her side at school, and setting up a support network of peers for her so she feels more protected even if the teacher cannot always be present.

Addressing it in a general way may also reduce the likelihood of the boy targeting your daughter more if he feels she has "told on" or "snitched" on him.

Parent said:
I like the idea of the "sharing circle" and I think that is an excellent way to have children open up without feeling guilty or ashamed. I am sure that it is helpful because the children remain anonymous. My daughter had already discussed the bullying problem with one of her teachers. The teacher contacted me on the telephone and that is how I discovered what was going on. My daughter had not discussed this with me.

I did have a long discussion with my child about how bullying is wrong and hurtful to others. I explained that she should tell me and tell her teacher if it happens again. Unfortunately, the boy continued through the year harassing my daughter, bullying her and calling her hurtful names.

…. I think that I will continue to help my daughter try to work through any negative feelings from being bullied. We have considered going to a counsellor just to have someone professional discuss important topics and to try to work through the negative experience.

I want to add that my daughter has been having anxiety and insomnia much more than usual. I am not sure if this is directly related to the boy bullying her or not? It is a serious concern of mine and I do think that counselling could be a good choice for now. My daughter never had anxiety or insomnia to this degree, until this school year when the boy began bullying her.

It is very sad and unfortunate that I was not informed by the school much sooner about my daughter getting bullied by this boy. I was completely in the dark about it. It was not, until the school teacher contacted me that I discovered what was going on. This explains why my daughter constantly did not want to go to school and why she always had a stomach ache.

Schools should contact parents immediately when and if they think there is a bullying situation with their child. Some kids, like my daughter, do not share at home with family the details of being bullied at school. Although, I did not discover the truth, until close to the end of the school year, I am grateful that I finally found out so I can help my daughter work through the negative emotions and feelings.

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Helping children follow your directions

Golden rule:
Give your instructions in different formats in an environment that is as quiet as possible, and reward them for their efforts.

A quiet environment
Some things to think about at home if your child is having problems hearing or focusing their attention on your instructions:

- Turn off the TV before you start talking
- Don’t try and yell over the washing machine, dishwasher or mower – or yelling kids. Turn the appliances off, and wait until your child is quiet before giving instructions.
- A room that is carpeted and has curtains will help cut down background noise
(My Dr, 2005; Neven, Anderson and Godber, 2002)

Some things to think about in the classroom if your student is having problems hearing or focusing their attention on your instructions:
- Negotiate and enforce rules about sitting quietly while the teacher is talking. Enforce the rules through praise and having a visual list of the rules on the wall (AFCEC, nd).
- Have a signal (eg. flicking the light switch for high school, clapping a rhythm which the students then have to copy in primary school) that indicates you are about to speak. Don’t try and yell them to attention (CDI, 2008).
- Wait until you have their attention before giving instructions.
- Use a noise-o-meter to keep children aware of what noise level is appropriate.
- Be aware of how any appliances, floor coverings and other features of the room may increase or decrease background noise.

Different ways of giving instructions:

Verbal
“Okay, kids, collect your Maths books, sit down at your desk and start work on page 6.”

Modelling
As you talk, demonstrate each step.

Visual
This can be hung on the board, or put on the child’s desk.
Written
Give this to the child so they can tick off each step as they complete it.
(Adapted from http://www.do2learn.com/organizationtools/classroom/educationalresources.htm)
Motivation and rewards

"If you do your work, then you can have a sticker." This is a “bribe”.

"Remember that when you finish this you will be able to put a star on your I've Finished chart." This is a negotiated reward that is a natural consequence of task completion.

But maybe we’ll talk more about this another time.

References:

Alabama Federation Council for Exceptional Children. (nd). Rules for Structuring the Classroom. Retrieved 25th May, 2009 from: http://www.afcec.org/tipsforteachers/tips_b2.html

Child Development Institute. (2008). Suggested Classroom Interventions ForChildren With ADD & Learning Disabilities. Retrived 25th May, 2009 from: http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/learning/teacher.shtml#Suggested

MyDr. (2005). Hearing Impairment and School Children. Retrieved 25th May from: http://www.mydr.com.au/kids-teens-health/hearing-impairment-and-schoolchildren

Neven, R.S., Anderson, V. and Godber, T. (2002). Rethinking ADHD. Allen and Unwin: Crows Nest.

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Dear Teacher

A letter from a parent of a child with ADD, placed here with permission ....

Sometimes it is great to hear from parents so we as teachers can keep things in perspective. Thank you, parent, for sharing.

Dear Teacher,

By now you have had the chance to observe and interact with my son. You might find him to be goofy, high-strung, impulsive, reactive, or just plan irritating. But, no matter what your thoughts are about my beautiful boy, please remember what you have been hired to do. I put my child in your hands to guide him, teach him, inspire him, and help him grow. You cannot do this if you don't have an understanding of how he is made. On the days you feel like you can't take another minute of him, reach out to him. When he's interrupted you over and over again, be gentle. When he can't stay in his seat another moment, send him on an errand. When he's not really getting social cues from his peers and struggling relating to them, talk to all the children without singling him out. When he can't seem to focus, touch his shoulder gently without saying a word. When he says he hates school, don't take it personally, he just hates feeling so frustrated by the world around him that he can't turn off.

And lastly, please remember that this child is the apple of someone's eye. They bring us so much joy, even with the difficulties they have to endure every single day. You could be the one teacher that could change my child’s life forever, or you could be the one that could tear down his self-esteem for years. Watch your words. Our children never forget a negative comment. Remember why you want to teach, and realize you will see more and more children like mine. They want to do good. They want to succeed. They want to please everyone. You could be that one who could make a difference forever by reaching out to my child. I truly believe that the success you find in him will carry you on for many years.

Sincerely...an ADD parent.

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Modelling and rewards

Chris is sitting eating lunch with her peers. They are chatting away. Suddenly, without warning, Chris gets up and leaves. Her peers look very surprised and a little offended.

Applied behaviour Analysis

Pictures and social stories are often used in the process of Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA). This approach is about analysing what we can see, breaking down behaviour into small steps, and changing it through encouraging, modelling, prompting, and praising changed behaviour

Using ABA for Chris

If we applied this approach to Chris’ situation, we would have to start by looking at what is actually happening. We might start with writing a more detailed observation of what is happening.

Antecedent:
Before Chris walked away, she had been intermittently involved in a discussion with her peers. They were talking about their favourite foods.
Jenny looks at her sandwich then smiles at her two buddies: I love vegemite sandwiches! They are great.
Chris continues looking at and eating her sandwich. Tom smiles back at Jenny: Yeah, I like them, too. But I like cheese better.
Chris (still looking at her sandwich, which is almost finished): I like cheese.
Tom smiles at Chris: Mmmm. It is so good, especially with some tomato. Have you ever had it with tomato?

Behaviour:
Chris has finished her sandwich and walks away.

Consequence:
Chris puts her rubbish in the bin and puts her lunchbox away in her bag.
Tom looks surprised and a little offended.
Jenny looks at Tom: Maybe she didn’t hear you.
Tom and Jenny sit silently until they finish their sandwiches, then quietly pack up.

So what next?

This observation gives some ideas about what is going on. For example, while Chris was listening to Tom and Jenny, she was not paying attention to them. That is, she is not making eye contact. This meant that she missed the body language, facial expressions and social rules that would have told her about whether the conversation was finished or not.

Modelling, prompting, praising

To start teaching Chris the skill of eye contact we may need to draw attention to the importance of eye contact.

For example, when Chris wants something we might wait until she responds to the prompt, “Chris, look at me” before we respond to her. We may also use a physical cue like putting our hand into the line of her gaze, then bringing the hand to our cheek or chin.

Any attempt to make eye contact should be praised. This can be a combination of specific praise (eg. “Thanks for looking at me” said with a beaming smile) and giving Chris what she wants.

And all the time we are doing this, we need to be modelling good eye contact.


Functional behaviour analysis, or behaviour support

Another way of looking at this behaviour is to ask why Chris walked away in the first place. What was the function, or purpose of her behaviour?

Why did Chris walk away?

It wasn’t just that Chris wasn’t paying attention, it was that she was paying attention to something else.

The observation suggests that she was following a routine, and she was focused on this. She had finished eating. And, according to routine, when you finish eating you put your rubbish in the bin and put your lunchbox away.

So what next?

We need to help Chris to balance the routine with her friendships. So, first, we need to help her make eye contact with her peers. We need to help her apply what she has learnt with an adult prompt (“Look at me, Chris”) to her discussions with her peers.
So we may teach her peers to say, “Chris” and wait for Chris to look at them before speaking.

Then we need to teach Chris to use a signal to let her peers know she is going to leave the conversation. So we could teach Chris to say, “I am going to…. now.” before she walks away.

Modelling, prompting, praising

To start with, we might have to practice this skill in the classroom. Or a teacher may need to sit alongside Chris and her peers in the playground.

In the beginning, the teacher may need to encourage Tom and Jenny to say Chris’ name and wait until she looks at them before speaking. The teacher may need to give some immediate praise to encourage Chris to use eye contact. The teacher may also need to use a picture, social story or modelling the sentence “I am going to…. now.” to prompt Chris to use this sentence.

To make sure that this is making a difference, we would need to keep a record of Chris’ successes.

But the end product should go something like this:

Antecedent:
Chris is chatting with Tom and Jenny. They were talking about their favourite foods.
Jenny looks at her sandwich then smiles at her two buddies: I love vegemite sandwiches! They are great. Aren’t they, Chris.
Chris continues looking at and eating her sandwich. Jenny waits for a moment, then says: Chris?
Chris looks at Jenny.
Jenny: Do you like vegemite sandwiches?
Chris shakes her head.
Tom smiles at Jenny and Chris: I like vegemite sandwiches. But I like cheese better.
Chris (still looking at Jenny): I like cheese sandwiches. See! (she holds out her cheese sandwich.)
Tom smiles at Chris: Mmmm. It is so good, especially with some tomato. Have you ever had it with tomato?
Chris has finished her sandwich and is packing up her rubbish.

Behaviour:
Tom: Chris?
Chris looks at Tom.
Tom: Do you like tomato?
Chris: No. (short pause) I am going to put my rubbish in the bin now.

Consequence:
Chris puts her rubbish in the bin and puts her lunchbox away in her bag.
Tom and Jenny continue talking until they finish their lunch. Then they put their rubbish away and join Chris. They all go and play together.


If you want to know more:

Conway, R. (2008). Encouraging Positive Interactions. In Forman, P. (Ed) Inclusion in Action, p198. Thomson: Australia

Moyes, R.A. (2002). Addressing the Challenging Beahviour of Children with High-Functioning Autism/Aspereger Syndrome in the Classroom: A Guide for Teachers and Parents. Jessica Kingsley Publishers: London.

Repp, A.C, and Horner, R.H. (1999). Functional Analysis of Problem Behavior: From effective assessment to effective support. Wadsworth: Canada

Weiss, M.J, Harris, S.L. (2001). Reaching out, Joining in: Teaching Social Skills to Young Children with Autism. Woodbine House: Bethesda


You may also want to visit these links:

http://www.autismsa.org.au/html/strategies/therapies/aba.html

http://www.learningplace.com.au/deliver/content.asp?pid=7498

http://www.txautism.net/docs/Guide/Interventions/ABA.pdf

http://www.usu.edu/teachall/text/behavior/LRBIpdfs/Functional.pdf

At the end of every month I want to anwer any questions you might have relevant to the topics discussed in this blog. If you have any questions, post them here as a comment. I will answer them next week....

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Using pictures

Are you Angry or Not?

(pictures from www.learn2bebuddies.com.au)

Tommy asks Jenny if he can play with the truck she is using. She says, calmly and politely, “No. I am playing with it. There’s another one over there.”

Tommy begins to cry and comes rushing up to you. “Jenny won’t let me use the truck! She is being mean! Waaaaa!”

How do you explain that Jenny wasn’t being mean, or angry? She just wanted to play uninterrupted. There are other toys she wanted to share with you...


Using pictures to teach pragmatics (following on from the previous posts)

Tom needs to learn the difference between the facial expression and body language that makes the word “No” represent bullying or “meanness” as opposed to the pragmatics that reflect a reasonable refusal. This is a complex concept for all young children to learn.

For some children you may be able to talk to them and use words to help them understand this. But talking about it assumes several important things. Firstly, if you reason with Tom you are expecting that he is able to hear the words and understand what they mean. If he has a hearing impairment, developmental delay or a language disorder, this may be a difficulty for him.

Second, you are expecting that he can imagine and relate to the actions and emotions reflected in the words you are using. Again, children with developmental delays, Autism, Aspergers Syndrome and other social or behaviour difficulties may struggle with this process.

So what can we do?

One way to approach the issue is to use pictures. There are a number of benefits to using visuals (Bondy & Frost, 2002; MacKay, 2000; Marion, 2007).

1 - They can attract attention
For example, children with autism will find it hard to make eye-contact with others. It may be difficult for them to process sights, sounds and movement all at once. Making eye contact may mean they struggle to actually “hear” what the speaker is saying. Other children may have difficulties concentrating, paying attention or directing their gaze to something when asked.

When you use a picture, you can help a child focus on a representation of the facial expressions and body language without having to process movement and sound as well. The child can also be given the picture to hold, or it can be held in their eye-line.

2 - They are permanent
You can allow the child to study the picture for as long as needed. The expression won’t disappear in a moment as it would from another child’s face.

3 - They can be carried around
You can use the picture in a range of situations. You can get the child to use it to communicate their own emotions. Or you can point to the picture to communicate what another child may be feeling. By doing this you are helping the child generalise the information, or apply it to different situations and different people. This, in turn, will help them develop empathy.

4 - They are concrete
You don’t have to use language and imagination. The picture is a concrete representation of an abstract concept. You are providing them with the “image” for their imagination. This is especially important if the child thinks in pictures rather than in words.

5 - They can be adapted to any age
You can use photos, pictures or line drawings. You can adapt the pictures to any age and to any child’s interest.


So, in Tom’s case, you may use two pictures such as those seen below (free download from http://www.do2learn.com/).

You may get him to chose which one he thinks reflects Jenny’s response. Then you may get Jenny to choose the one that reflects what she really meant. Then you help correct the miscommunication in a very concrete way.

Don’t expect immediate results. You may have to use this process many times depending on the child’s difficulty. The first step may be just getting the child to look at the picture.

But with repetition, patience, praise and reinforcement (such as getting the truck after he has played with another toy for a short while), Tom will learn the difference between a calm and friendly, “No.” and an angry, mean “NO!”

References:

Bondy, A., Frost, L. (2002). A Picture’s Worth: PECS and Other Visual Communication Strategies in Autism. Woodbine House: USA

MacKay, G. (2000). Primary-age Pupils with Pragmatic Difficulties. In R. MacKay and C. Anderson (Eds), Teaching Children with Pragmatic Difficulties of Communication, pp55-71. David Fulton Publishes: London.

Marion, K. (2007). Visual Supports for People with Autism: A Guide for Parents and Professionals. The Canadian Journal of Occupational Therapy, 75(5) p281.

Line drawings retrieved from:

http://www.do2learn.com/picturecards/printcards/2inch/imagegridsnowords/emotionsnoword.htm

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Facial Expressions, Body Language and Empathy

Billy was building a road out of blocks.

“Hey, Billy! Can I play?” Tim said eagerly.
Billy smiled, “Sure, you can play!”
“What can I do?” Tim asked.
Billy pointed to the end of the road, giving Billy a toy car. “Just sit over there.”
“Okay!” Tim said as he sat in the indicated space and started running his car along the block road.

Billy was building a road out of blocks.
“Hey, Billy! Can I play?” Tim asked shyly.
“Sure you can play!” Billy replied sarcastically, looking at Tim with a sneer.
“What can I do?” Tim asked falteringly.
“Just sit over there.” Billy pointed to the very edge of the mat, out of reach of the road and any blocks.
“Okay.” Tim sat in the indicated spot and watched as Billy turned away to continue building the block road.

(Image copyright Daniel East 2008. Illustration is part of the children's book, Dave is Brave, written by Amanda Gray. Visit www.learn2bebuddies.com.au for more information.)

Body Language, Facial Expressions and Empathy

These two vignettes illustrate how the same words, used in different ways, can hold very different meaning. That’s because communication isn’t just about the words we use. It is about how we use them.

The same words can have a very different meaning depending on what facial expressions, tone of voice and body language we use. These things let others know what we really mean, or the intent of our words.

There are also many unspoken rules we need to follow when we are communicating to get our message across successfully. For example, we speak differently to a friend that we would to our boss. We also need to take turns, keep to the topic of conversation and use conventions like “I have to go now” to end our conversations.

These things all combine to give us the social context of language and are referred to as pragmatics (Scott Lue, 2001, MacKay, 2000). If a child has difficulty with pragmatics their success in interacting with others will be affected. Not only will they misunderstand others’ communication efforts, but they may struggle to get their message across without misunderstandings, hurt and frustration.

For example, as we speak to and interact with others we use their facial expressions and body language to help interpret how they are feeling or reacting to us. As we empathise we adapt our behaviour (McKay, 2000). So pragmatics helps us tell when someone is not interested in what we are saying, and we stop talking. Or it helps us realise if our actions or words are hurtful. It can also help us recognise jokes, sarcasm or bullying.

But not all children learn these skills in the same way.

Children who may struggle to learn pragmatics

To learn the pragmatics of language you need to be able to see, hear and concentrate. You need to be able to analyse, remember and adapt what you have learnt to new situations. You need literacy skills such as knowledge of words, grammar and how context changes a word’s meaning. And you need to be able to guess at other people’s attitudes and recognise someone else’s point of view (Anderson, 2000).

Children who have vision impairments can miss body language and facial expressions (Scott Lue, 2001). Taking turns in conversations may be hard as their ability to use eye-contact may be limited. They may need to develop other signals to help their friends know they are listening.

For children with hearing impairments, developmental delays and language disorders learning new words and concepts may be difficult. They may struggle with finding the right words to match their body language and gestures so they can get their message across (Anderson, 2000).

Children with attention deficit disorders may find it hard to keep eye-contact and pay attention when interacting. They may miss important facial expressions and body language, thus missing how their words and actions may be affecting another person (Sinzig, Morsch & Lehmkuhl, 2008).

Children with developmental delays, such as children with Down Syndrome, may struggle with the complex process of analysing, remembering and adapting what they have learnt in one situation to be used in new situations (Buckley, Bird & Sacks, 2002; NSW Council for Intellectual Disability, 2006). So they may find it hard to interpret body language and facial expressions they are not familiar with.

But the children we read about most often as struggling with pragmatics are children with autistic spectrum disorders (ASD) (Scott, Clark & Brady, 2000).

Autism Spectrum Disorders

Children with Autism may have difficulties learning to speak. Children with Aspergers Syndrome may have a big vocabulary and speak well, but struggle with the pragmatics of language. But in both cases, their key difficulties will include:

• making eye contact
• recognising and responding to facial expressions, tone of voice and body language
• taking turns and
• empathising (Scott, Clark & Brady, 2000).

For example, a child with autism spectrum disorders may keep bringing the conversation back to their area of interest even if it is not relevant to the conversation. They may not show interest in what the other person is saying. They may echo or imitate a question they have been asked rather than respond to it.

Teaching pragmatics

We usually develop our knowledge about the rules of communication and socialisation by observing, practising and applying past experiences to our interactions (Scott Lue, 2001; MacKay, 2000). We start learning these skills as a baby when we first make eye contact with our parents. But, as previously mentioned, children with a range of different difficulties will not learn these skills in the same way. For these children it is about explicit teaching.

We can do this in many different ways. I won’t discuss this now as I think I can sense from your body language that you may be losing interest :-). But in the coming weeks I will blog about how modelling, prompts, rewards, pictures and social stories can help children with a range of disabilities learn to recognise, interpret and develop body language, facial expressions and empathy.


References

Anderson, C. (2000). Pragmatic Communication Difficulties. In G. MacKay and C. Anderson (Eds), Teaching Children with Pragmatic Difficulties of Communication, pp24-38.

Buckley, SJ., Bird, G., and Sacks, B. (2002) Social Development of Individuals with Down Syndrome – An Overview. Retrieved 10th April 2009 from http://www.down-syndrome.org/information/social/overview/

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