Dealing with the anxiety of going back to school

One of the issues that causes anxiety for children with a wide range of behavioural, emotional or developmental difficulties as they return to school after a break include the difficulty of predicting what might happen next.  Due to executive functioning issues, many of these children find it hard to retrieve or apply any previous experiences they may have had if those experiences are not exactly the same (same room, same teacher, same peers etc) or if there has been a break in their routine (eg holidays).  It is kind of like waking up to a new environment every day.

The Comfort of Routine

I don't know about you, but I am a bit of a "home-body".  I like going on holidays, but by the time the second week rolls around I start missing familiar things.  My bed.  My kitchen.  My books.  My routines. 

Imagine if you could never go home.  I know that would cause me great anxiety. There is comfort in routines.  It is the comfort of knowing what to expect.  Constantly dealing with "surprises" is emotionally wearing.  And this is multiply true for children who struggle with flexible thinking.  For these children, and children who struggle with self-regulation, the lack of predictability can lead to frustration and anxiety as they struggle to identify and follow expectations (Swanson, 2005).

Managing Anxiety with Routines and Organisational Strategies

 

Lytle and Todd (2009) highlight how routines are an important factor in helping to manage the stress of children with Autism Spectrum Disorder.  Anderson et al. (2008) go further and discuss how organisation techniques taught to older students can have an impact on the academic performance of students with behaviour disorders.  Swanson (2005) provides a comprehensive list of ways that we can help children recognise routines and feel in control by being organised.  Below are the key strategies we could use, both at home and at school:

1. Organise the environment:  Make sure you remove clutter, have clear boundaries for where you do certain activities, and have set spaces where equipment is kept.
2. Use visual or written schedules: Calendars help children predict what is coming up, especially if you cross off each day as it passes. Visual schedules for the day's routine, as well as a schedule for an activity, will help children be more confident in what they need to do.  When it is holidays, count down on the calendar to when school starts again.  Keep as much of the "school routine" at home as possible, or (as one parent suggested) start the routine a couple of weeks before school goes back.
3. Clearly identify start and finish points:  Use clocks, sounds, verbal and visual warnings to help children count up to starting points and count down to finishing.  This applies to individual activities, a session or a new school term.
4. Be organised:  Use containers, checklists, flow-charts to help children be organised and know what is coming up next.
5. Have rules:  Display rules that clearly set out your expectations - but don't have too many.  Avoid "don't" rules, but use statements that tell children what they should be doing.
6. Use photos: Prepare children for important people they will meet or interact with through photos.  You might also use video of new settings, people and/or activities.

Hopefully some of these techniques will help your child deal with the anxiety of going to school.  The techniques will be most effective when they are used at home and at school, so it is important that parents and teachers share what they are doing with each other.

Next time I will talk about using relaxation techniques....

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References

Anderson, D.H., Munk, J.H., Young, K.R.,  Conley, L., Caldarell, P.  (2008).  Teaching Organisational Skills to Promote Academic Achievement in Behaviourally Challenged Students.  Teaching Exceptional Children, 40(4), p6.

Lytle, R & Todd, T.  (2009).  Stress and the Student with Autism Spectrum Disorders: Strategies for Stress reduction and Enhanced Learning.  Teaching Exceptional Children, 41(4), p36.

Swanson, T.C.  (2005).  20 Ways to Provide Structure for Children with Learning and Behaviour Problems.  Intervention in School and Clinic, 40(3), p182.

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Bullies... where are they now?

When asked what was of most concern about returning to school after the Christmas break, one mother said, "Bullying!" And I am sure this concern is not unique to her.

I could talk about prevention mechanisms, protection processes, rights and responsibilities... but that probably wouldn't help and I will discuss this elsewhere. And I can't stop the bullying or the possibility of bullying, though like many I would love to have a magic wand that waves and makes everyone buddies.

So today I just want to share some hope...

With our support, with the love and care of important people around them, children who have been bullied can not only survive - but can conquer.


Take Tom Cruise for example.

His difficulties with academics due to dyslexia, and his constant moving from school to school meant that he was a target of bullying. But with the love and encouragement of his mother, and his dogged determination, he has made something of himself.

I wonder where his bullies are now?


Then there is Kate Winslet.

Being overweight, she was taunted about this for two years. But with the supporting ear of her mother, and a friendship that made her feel secure in herself, she has had success both in her work and her personal life.

I wonder if those who bullied her ever feel regret?


Then there is Harrison Ford.

Small, shy, a little different, he was the ideal target for bullying. But with an attitude of endurance, an attitude said to be very annoying to his attackers, he came out the other side.

I wonder what his tormentors think about him now?


While I can't tell them here, I know stories of "real" people for whom friendships, strong determination, self-esteem, humour or the love of a parent or mentor have made a significant difference in their battle against bullying.


The experience of being bullied does leave scars, and the effects should not be romanticised or down-played. But those scars can be turned to good account in our lives. The need for determination and endurance can help us succeed. The questioning of our value by others can help us examine and learn to rate our value by those who care most.

So, though I know this post won't cure the knot in your stomach, or dry the tears of distress when trying to help your child deal with bullying, my wish is that these stories will help you look forward in hope. That they will help you and your child face bullying with determination, not defeat. That you and your child will continue to pursue your dreams, to value self and life, to talk about the hard times, to build connections, to love, to laugh, to play....

Bullying is painful and can change the course of a life, but it need not be the end of the world.

Talk. Love. Grow.


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Back to school... and staying sane

For families of children who have special needs, indeed for any family, the beginning of the school year can be exciting... but it can also bring its own set of challenges.

It is exciting...

...to see children re-connect with peers and teachers.

... (and a little frightening) to see children go and become more independent.

... to start seeing children adding to their skills.

... maybe... just a little... to have some "me" time again.


The emotional challenge

However, there may be one particular thing that can cause the return to school to be an emotional time. Parents discover that hard-fought-for skills their child developed and were proficiently using in the previous school year seem to have "disappeared" over the break. Literacy skills, maths skills, language skills and behaviour or social skills ... some of these may need to be re-learnt.

As mentioned in the previous post, this is usually due the fact that certain skills have not been used during the holidays. This, in turn, is due to the significant difference between the home and school environment.

This can be a very difficult thing to deal with as it probably feels like having to "start all over again". Things that parents thought were over, such as behaviour issues in the playground or classroom and the subsequent disciplinary procedures, may happen again at the start of the year.

It may also have a very practical consequence if parents are asked to attend meetings or spend time at school helping to deal with these issues.

And then there is the tiredness to deal with. Difficulties over homework, meal-times, sibling squabbles, and other behaviours may temporarily increase.

The home routines will also be changing as the holiday routines are replaced by the home-school-home routine. This can be an added challenge as the whole family adapts to the return to school.

So what can we do?

Be prepared

Without discouraging yourself or your child :), expect some regression. You might get a great, positive surprise and see your child slip back into the school routine with very few problems!

I have also known some parents who take the first week off work if possible so they can help their child in the adjustments phase.

You may also want to prepare your child. Treat the return to school as you would the initial transition to school. A few weeks before school, start talking about school and its routines. .. But I talked about that in my last post.

Find support

Talk to the teacher about your child and any concerns you have so they are hopefully more equipped to support you and your child. A new teacher will not know as much as you do about the circumstances, strengths and difficulties your child will bring to the new year.

You might also want to set up some informal supports for your child... like a family friend, sibling, or peer buddy who will be at school with them if they need a familiar face. Make sure it is someone the child has seen during the holidays.

Prioritise

Having routines set out for what will happen when your child comes home from school is important and helpful. Getting children to design this routine, and a visual chart of each activity will help to decrease after-school "debates". Combining this visual chart with rewards can help get the essentials like eating, homework, baths and so on done even when everybody is exhausted. But there may be "those days"...

On "those days" you might cut a few steps out of the routine. Maintaining the mental and physical health of your family is more important than getting those last few Maths homework questions done. But make sure you send a note or maintain a communication book with the teacher to let them know the circumstances of this decision so your child does not feel the consequences of this the next day at school.

Reward yourself as well as your child

In my last post I suggested designing a rewards system for your child for their completion of each day at school. It's also good to reward yourself...

One parent I know has a half-hour of "me time" with a book, a cuppa and a bar of chocolate scheduled as often as possible - at least once a week. I hope you get the opportunity to do something similar. You deserve it!

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Holidays are over! The challenge for children

Returning to school can be very exciting for children. It can mean re-connecting with friends and all the social fun! It can mean a return to favourite subjects, fun activities....

But settling back into school after the holidays can also be a time of anxiety and tiredness.


Social Challenges

For some children, returning to the social life of school can bring up anxieties and challenges. After the relative freedom of the holidays, they may find it hard to re-adjust back into the routine of the classroom. As discussed in my previous series of posts on the transition to school, children with special needs may need a slow transition back into the learning routine. And there may be some social "bumps" along the way.

Some suggestions for helping children with Autism, Aspergers or developmental disabilities settle back into the social routine include:

1. Using photos of friends and staff to remind the child of who they will be seeing at school.
2. Talking about the photos to remind the child of how they interact with these people. For example, "This is Johnny. You play soccer with Johnny on the playground!"
3. Display a list of the school rules (at home and in class), with illustrations/photos, and revise, review, talk about and practice them.
4. Where possible, arrange small group, supervised activities involving the child's interest at recess and lunch breaks to minimise the sensory and social input. This is a good way to prevent behaviour difficulties that may happen due to the busy, noisy nature of the playground.
5. Establish a home/school reward system so going back to school has its extrinsic (external, "artificial") rewards, even if the child finds it hard to see anything positive about being back at school.
   

Physical Challenges

Returning to school can be a tiring business for everyone. But it is especially important to recognise that children with diverse needs may find it just that bit more tiring.

This may be because of sensory processing difficulties or impairments. For example, children with hearing impairments often have to work much harder to process and interpret sounds. Children with sensory sensitivities may be tired out due to higher levels of stress during the day as they get used to all the sights, smells and sounds of school again.

Tiredness may also be due to physical disabilities. For example, sitting for extended periods of time, moving around the school and having limited "rest periods" throughout the day could have an impact on children with Cerebral Palsy.

Concentrating and communicating is also a very tiring activity. For children with ADHD or ADD, who struggle with maintaining attention, re-training themselves back into school can be very tiring. Children with language difficulties, including children with Autism and dyspraxia or apraxia, concentrating and listening gets very tiring by the end of the day.

This may mean that, not just in the first few weeks, a child's "endurance" cracks by the final session of the school day. So having less challenging, less intense activities towards the end of the day, and minimising the amount of homework given is essential.

Children arriving home exhausted are not likely to cope with any further physical or "thinking" demands placed on them. Putting further demands on them does not allow for recovery time, and also can mean an increase in difficult behaviour as the child struggles to cope.


Academic Challenges

This links with the previous points about concentration and language. However, there may be the added factor of a child with special needs "regressing" during the holidays. Words they could read, things they could say and do, may have been "lost" during the holidays. This may simply be due to lack of practice as the words and activities of school are often quite different to those at home.

Be prepared to re-teach some old things before adding too many new concepts and activities. Revision will be important to get the child back into the swing of things.

How is the settling-in period going for you and your children?

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